where the writers are
in harm's way- chapter4

Chapter 4

 

“ I feel horrible, yet so incredibly amazing… this is very strange, a high rate of déjà-vu may have caused it, then again I can never be too sure. I feel so free… so liberated right now. It’s only temporary though the alcohol will eventually wear out, so might as well enjoy it!”   

That was what Ally scribbled on her blue journal, the sun had just set making way for  the moon to make its grand entrance. The Johnson residence was deserted,  no living soul other than Ally’s existed.

She had just recovered from a long pass-out because she had had a little too much to drink. The little bottles of alcohol had been disposed of in a safe, orderly  manner  to avoid all chances of being caught. Ally looked at the window and heaved a deep sigh, then continued writing

“ I am here all alone, and no one cares about me. I have not rue friends and as much as I hate to admit it… it hurts! My only friends are my demons and even they can turn around and become my most hated enemies! I wonder if it’s too late to ‘accidentally’ slide a knife over my throat – a sharp knife- I have suffered enough, then why not make the transition as smooth as possible?! But, I can’t… I’m too weak, I’m nothing but a coward! I CAN’T STAND THIS ANYMORE! All this pain just won’t go away…  I HATE IT! Well I do still have my stash, that ought to keep me company.” 

So, she was all alone and she knew it… nothing could possibly be more painful. The simple things that had once delighted and brought a sparkle to her eyes had lost their charm, lost their positive effect. Her once pleasant, ecstatic, youthful soul & spirit had been cleared of any form of life.

She slammed her journal shut and shoved it into her drawer, Ally then got up to her feet and decide to take a tour of her home. It had been ages since ally had just simply wandered around reminiscing. She climbed down the stairs slowly looking for the engraving she and her father had once carved in. Ally looked carefully at the wooden staircase and found what she had been looking for, she knelt down on the wooden stairs in order to get a better look. An engraving lay there etched in to the rather dark colour of the wood, it said “A+M+M= LOVE!”.  The A stood for Ally, the first M stood for her father’s name Mark and the second M for her mother’s name Melody. “hmph.. . so much for love!” muttered Ally in a bitter, sarcastic tone.  She continued her tour and searched for more evidence suggestive of a previous, happier life.

She found  markings her pet cat Fluffy had made, drawings made by her when she was around six, old pictures, scrapbooks and a whole bunch of other stuff. Those memories had flicked on the green light for her eruption of tears, not tears of anger, but hose that yearned and longed for time to return life to the way it was. She missed those years, she craved the love and attention that had once dominated her world. But she knew that was all she could do… wish: those happy days would never come back. She wiped off her tears and sighed a deep, hopeless sigh.

She continued walking around the house  and decided  to pay a visit to her backyard. It was beginning to get dark but Ally couldn’t have cared less, she walked around and found the tree where her jungle house used to be. Her father had built it for her, and she had loved it and spent a great deal of her time up in the jungle house.

Ally lied down on the lush, green bed of grass and stared at the sky. The moon had taken its designated position and the stars were taking their places around the grand, exquisite luminescent body. Ally remembered the time when she’d gone camping  with her parents, they had set up a tent, started a fire and had spent the night watching the sky. The recollection brought tears to her eyes and she quickly wiped them off.

Ally stayed where she was for a very long time, she watched the moon and the stars swimming through an ocean of black. She was there for a very long time, she had only realized it was late because her mother was back.

“hey kiddo…” said Ally’s mom.

“mom?”  muttered Ally back.

“yes, it’s me,” replied her mom. “ Do you have any idea what time it is?”

“ No, and I frankly couldn’t care less… but since you’re home it’s probably time for pigs to fly and for the sky to fall,” said Ally in a sarcastic, bitter tone.

“Watch it!” snapped Ally’s mom, “ You, will not speak to me that way, I am still you’re mother!”

“well, sorry to be the bearer of bad news…” started Ally, lifting herself up, “ but you lost the right of being my mother a long time ago!”

“EXCUSE ME??!!” yelped Ally’s mother.

“YES MOTHER DEAR!!” said Ally, gaining great anger with each passing second of conflict, “ the moment you stopped caring, you lost me as your precious daughter… YOUR ‘KIDDO’ HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!!”

Saying those words Ally stomped into the house with her mother running behind her screaming words like “intolerant” and “ ungrateful” but all Ally replied with was:

“when you begin considering assuming your proper role as my mother… do let me know! But I predict by the time that happens… a new ice age would have arrived!!”

Ally rushed into her room and slammed the door shut, locked it, shoved a pair of headphones into her ears, played the loudest form of music she could find and plopped  onto her bed drowning in her cascade of tears.

Yes, Ally was angry, but how many times has anger been a disguise masking true hurt and pain? She pondered on those facts for so long losing track of time completely. Her eyed were immune to sleep, so it wasn’t like she had been planning to sleep. She was only reminded of the time when her alarm clock went off announcing the time for Ally’s worst companion, her grand theatre for the “fake smiles” façade… school