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Mourning Mom: this can’t be real

“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.”

Not to sound cliché, but this is by far the hardest, most heart-wrenching post I have written so far.  Honestly, if anything else in the next decade comes anywhere near this, immediately find me a stiff new straitjacket, so I can throw myself into a padded room — forever.

Ok, here comes the hard part, words I thought I would not have to write about for at least another decade:  Mom is gone.  My wonderful witty mom passed away in her sleep Thanksgiving morning.  No warning, no illness, no clues, no nothing, no mom. Mom is gone. Mom is gone. I have to repeat myself over and over, because I just cannot believe it’s real. I’m hoping my next post is about the coma I’ve been in for the past week or so — I’ll write about how when I awoke, mom was there with one of her famous QVC jewelry trinkets for me to open, and a pot of her famous spaghetti sauce bubbling away on the stove, so we could all get home and enjoy a  nice Italian dinner in celebration of my new coma-free existence.

Yes, mom is gone.  My house is filled with condolence cards, flowers and such very touching notes from caring family and friends, but somehow it doesn’t seem real. It CAN’T be real.  Mom was SO ALIVE, so funny, always ready with a wise-crack, or words of wisdom.  I loved her advice. She was one of my best friends in the whole world. I see the cards with her photo and a pretty poem, yet I’ll still dial her phone number and expect her to pick up.  I’ll want to call her about who was just told to f*ck off on Hell’s Kitchen, or who we think should have gotten fired on The Apprentice, or the new boots I bought, but then the cold harsh smack of reality hits me right in the face, telling me those days are over.

Mom & I would dish together, watch movies together, shop together, cook dinners (for my hubby and the furkids) together and every so often I’d mix up a couple of whiskey sours and mom would share her humorous and wonderful stories which fill a small notebook of mine.

Loss of any kind is a real tough pill to swallow,  and when you lose a mom and a best friend, you feel like your heart is literally ripping apart. With that said, I think I’ll mix up two whiskey sours, leaving one on the coffee table in mom’s honor.   I just hope I don’t water them down with all of my tears.

Mom, you will be missed

Love you & miss you forever Mom

xo Your daughter

Comments
7 Comment count
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Condolences, Lee. It is

Condolences, Lee. It is alwawys hard to lose a parent, but even more so when one loses someone out of the blue like that ~ and so young...

My heart goes out to you.

Love, Sharon

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Thank you Sharon

Yes, out of the blue is like a cold hard smack in the face...it really stings. Thank you for taking the time to read my post and to leave a comment - greatly appreciated.

xo ~ Lee

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Wise cracks and words of wisdom

Hi Lee,

no words can convey or contain the extent of what you must be feeling. I lost my father earlier this year, after months of palliative care, anticipating the end was coming one day soon. The pain and grief is very different, as it is for each individual in every circumstance. Thank you for sharing your experience. Your post touched me deeply. Like your mom, my father was also a witty and wise man. I hope you can continue writing about your relationship with your mom and that writing somehow brings you some refuge from the pain of your loss.

Peace

Cindy

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Thank you

Thank you for your note Cindy. So sorry to hear about your dad  - loss is just so damn hard for the living.  My father passed 3 years ago -- some days it seems like yesterday, yet on some days it feels like a lifetime ago.

Yes, I'll keep on writing - so much to share... I just hope mom can "see" it. You do the same :)

xo ~ Lee

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Lee, I am certain your

Lee, I am certain your mother will be seeing what you write. Hope it will bring some small comfort in knowing that.

My brother just lost his wife. He has a picture of her propped on a side table with vases of fresh flowers on each side. He is going to honor her that way as long as it takes. As Cindy says grief is individual, honor yourself and her by doing whatever it takes ~ perhaps in your case whiskey sours...

Love, Sharon

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my thoughts..

My thoughts are with you and your brother. My brother just called me to say that both of our parents came to him - so real - in his dream last night - truly a gift. I hope your brother receives many gifts as well this holiday season.
~ Peace & Love

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That is indeed a gift ~ one

That is indeed a gift ~ one which I hope you will also receive soon. Take care of the You. Sharon