as a capricorn, my life lurched into intersection with Pluto in recent months. i am not an astrology buff by any means; it is a language unfamiliar to me. yet i do believe that the outer and inner bear witness to one another, are reflections of relationships and responses that involve more than I comprehend, and evolve in a perception of time and space that reaches from within my heart, past the stars and beyond.
i was ignorant of Pluto's arrival, except that my life exploded in unexpected turmoil and distress so suddenly and harshly that i emailed a friend of mine in australia - also a nun - who does understand astrology, and can tranlsate its meaning for me in poetic language. Pluto, she said, just went off like a nuclear bomb, or the terminator blasting down the door of your life. get the feeling?
ah, i responded, here was a framework for helping me sift through some of the ruins of self to which i have clung for this life. for lifetimes. not that the disarray or pain or uncertainty dissolved, i carry it with me each day, in some shape or form, yet by harnessing the wisdom of the celestial movement, I have some tools with which to create benefit from pain. it is not a momentary relationship, Pluto and I will travel together in some form until I am 74. that is a long time to share a journey with the lord of the underworld.
my friend sent me some information on this journey, and the incredible potency therein contained. as someone who has committed my life in a very formal way to unravelling the threads of ego-clinging that bind me to this idea of self, it could actually be a rewarding process. if iam willing. if i let go. if i embrace the distress and anguish as the shadow preceding the light. it is about transformation through the darkness and pain of things hidden, presumed, clung to.
at times it has felt as though i have assumed another life. that things so essentially familiar, presumed to be true, were torn away and there i am, blinking, uncertain of the next forward step. but this is what Pluto does.
i read today that writing can be of great benefit during a Pluto transit, to help expose the rawness and depths of what is being drawn forth. i contemplated how i stumbled into red room not long after this process began. i equivocate about writing; unsure, as a nun, where the internal boundaries of expression now lie. feeling my way,testing the shape and texture of consonants and vowels as they unfurl from my tongue.
i have an image of Hayagriva above my bed, a precious gift last year from a dear friend. He is a wrathful warrior, a being of boundless compassion who arises from flames that burn away the confusion of ego. each aspect of his appearance represents a quality of compassionate wisdom and its potential to create change; not to be discarded as a graven image of a god, but to be recognised as an inherent powerful force that can arise from within to transform dark into light.
Hayagriva is the deity of pure speech, and for me personally, therefore, an important aspect of my life. it is the power and transormational, compassionate energy that he represents that i pray to harness on this journey through the underworld of self. to arise with clarity and an open heart, and speech resonating with qualities of the light of stars that humble ths sky with their constant radiance.
here is my prayer to Hayagriva, that I wrote some years ago, when working on a book that perhaps one day will be birthed.
Sublime deity of pure speech
may the flames of
wisdom and compassion
burn swiftly through the
cadence of my delusion,
revealing each and every syllable on these pages
as the pristine essence,
empty and luminous,
from which it arose.