The unfortunate thing about your first memory is that is does stay with you for the whole of your life. I say unfortunate because unlike a lot of people who have loving and beautiful first memories, my first is neither warm nor fuzzy. I was about four when I did something to upset my mother, I think I was just being really annoying. Like most kids it wasn't that bad, but I suppose it was annoying for her. The next few words are what I remember, they are burned into my memory and will not erase no matter how hard I try. She turned to me and said,
" I took tablets to get rid of you when you was in my womb, and I wish it had worked."
I was only four, I didn't know what a womb was but she pointed to her stomach. I remember running to my room with tears in my eyes and crying myself to sleep. I remember waking up and feeling very hollow, a feeling I still carry today 43 yrs later. Words are powerful things and a few wrong words aimed at the innocent can do irreparable damage and harm. I am testament to that. You live with a hole in your soul; you face the days as best you can. But carrying the knowledge and the deformities of the overdose are a constant reminder of the cruelty of this world.