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Simple Facts of Kindness
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I guess I am a woman of a different kind.  How do I know that? Today I was informed in no uncertain terms that I was not kind.  That statement came from someone that has known me at least for thirty years or more.  After the anger subsided and the hurt settled into its familiar place, I started to wonder what that meant.  Does it mean that I am not a nice person because I speak my mind?  Does it mean that I am bitter, mean, and vindictive because I’ve been waiting for as long as I can remember to hear simple, healing words?

I looked the word “kind” up in the dictionary.  So if I use the word in a sentence, such as: “You are not kind” the word is an adjective.  And it means that I am not friendly, generous, or considerate.  In other words, I wouldn’t make a very good Boy Scout.  Or it could also mean that I am not polite, affectionate, or loving.  That definition certainly didn’t make me feel any better. But then again, perhaps it was meant as a noun, such as: “You aren’t the kind of applicant that the Boy Scouts would accept.”  In other words, since the Boy Scouts only accept boys, I am the wrong sort or the wrong “kind” of gender to join.  Yes, maybe that’s it.  I’ve always been the wrong kind. 

There are variations in the definitions, so “kind” can also mean gentle, such as: “Choose a lotion that is kind to your skin.”  Perhaps I am just not the gentle kind.  It can also mean a polite request, such as: “Would you be kind enough to repeat that insult?”  I can guarantee you that I am not the kind of woman that would make that request.

Then there is the vernacular use of “kind” in the slang “kind of” which means “sort of” such as:  “She was kind of stressed.”  It is several steps short of the real thing.  So perhaps I am kind of kind.  You know, not the real thing, but not at bad as not being kind.

So now that we’ve got that straight, it makes it so much more clear. I just have to decide whether I am not kind or I am not your kind or I am kind of kind or I am the wrong kind or perhaps you would be kind enough to repeat that insult so I can kindly figure it out?

© Kelly Tweeddale 2012

 

 

Comments
4 Comment count
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Great post! I'm the kind,

Great post!

I'm the kind, that speaks her mind, but does it as kindly as possible, so you don't label me as "that" kind of person, who doesn't treat people with gentle kindness.

Annette

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It is too late and I am too

It is too late and I am too tired to be witty here so I'll just be honest: it pisses me off that anyone who knows you would say you're not kind, no matter what their definition of the word is. Keep your chin up and surround yourself with people who know you and love you for the kind and wonderful person you are!

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Your kindness

I have to speak up on this one. Kelly, I cannot imagine any observant person not being powerfully impressed by your kindness under the most pressing kinds of stress, and I can only hope you know that about yourself securely enough to set aside anyone's charges to the contrary.

Let me also add that since I accidentally discovered your writing after our last meeting I was equally impressed by your writing -- not only the depth of your thinking and the strength of your will, with which I was already acquainted, but also the clarity and emotional power of your writing, with which I was not acquainted. In fact, reading your work provided the final inspirational impetus to convince me to begin "writing out loud" in a blog of my own.

So I thank you for your immense kindness, and for your inspirational courage and openness as well.

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To all

Thanks for your thoughts and gifts of kindness.  The truth of the matter is whether it is in the heat of an argument or because of a bad day we all have moments when we are less than kind.  I admit I have more of those moments than I would like.  I wrote this as a way of elevating myself from a place that was not anything close to feeling kind, to really explore the power of words and how writing and playing with those words can also disarm powerful emotions. Consider me disarmed and on to bigger and better things.