I hate to admit it, but today was one of those days that it took every inch of motivation just to remove the covers from over my head and convince myself to face the day.  I hate to admit it, but today was one of those days that I broke out in tears at least five out of the ten times that I thought I would.  I hate to admit it, but today I packed up at least 90% of my daughter’s baby clothes and took them to the Goodwill.  I hate to admit it, but it took me at least fifteen years to be able to do that as I keep thinking of the precious gift our children are even when we don’t recognize them in their teenage years.  I hate to admit it, but last summer my moss killer treatment to the lawn killed the lawn and no amount of raking, fertilizing and watering is going to bring it back.  I hate to admit it, but I’m a lousy gardener, landscaper, and horticulturist because my vision is always bigger than my implementation.  I hate to admit it, but I am being consumed by moss and algae, a very real liability to living in the Evergreen State.  I hate to admit it, but I fear for my life and stomp the floorboards as I try to calmly instruct my sixteen year-old daughter how to drive.  I hate to admit it, but I get stressed out by chaos even though I detest organization and order for the sake of organization and order.  I hate to admit it, but I like the fact that our old gray cat follows me around the yard as if she is truly interested in what I’m doing (and I think she is the only one).  I hate to admit it, but I poured myself a second glass of wine tonight because I wanted to numb the yearning that I couldn’t suffocate with the bedcovers, tears, nostalgia, moss killer, risk taking with a student driver, chaos, or cat adoration.

I hate to admit it, there’s nothing like a self-imposed confession to make you feel better.

© Kelly Tweeddale 2012