where the writers are

I am so use to deadening my feelings by using drugs.  I wonder what it feels like to have good feelings.  It’s the reason I deaden my feelings.  If I don’t use drugs I am agitated, in agony, sensitive, depressed, in angst.  I need drugs to calm me down.  I don’t like my raw feelings. They scare me.  I sometimes feel as if there are butterflies stabbing each other in my stomach.  I use drugs to ease the pain of feeling, and suffering.