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Question About Sex

Is it just me, or does the whole "becoming friends and waiting to have sex until you know there is something there" concept no longer exist?  I have been delving into the dating world again and have found that for the most part, with people of my generation (25-35 years old), sex has become very casual and not such a special thing as I remember it being when I first started dating about 10 years ago.

I know that sex is something different to every person, but I remember that for the most part, men were respectful and actually a bit admiring of the woman if she said she wanted to wait until there was a solid foundation to  have sex. Lately, when I say that, I either get laughed at and told that I'm a prude or they agree until about 30 minutes later, when all they can do is continuously beg for sex. 

Is it me? Am I too old-fashioned? Don't get me wrong; I love sex and have been deprived of it for a bit now, so I can understand how difficult it is sometimes to wait. However, I am a grown woman of 31 and I can control my urges, no matter how intense they may get.  Sometimes it is more difficult than others, but it is possible, even for someone who enjoys sex as much as I do.  So, why is it then so difficult for the men I'm meeting?

My first thought is that I'm not meeting the right men, but how can you tell? I know early warning signs are discussions of sex, constant mentioning of things he wants to do sexually, etc., but sometimes those signs are not there and it is not until you meet in person (from online dating) that you realize what his true intentions might be.

However, I'm also finding that some men are saying they do want the relationship that is long-term, but still want to start it off with sleeping with each other.  In my experience, I just have not had luck with relationships lasting in a forever kind of way that started with just a lot of sex.  Usually, in those instances, there isn't much there except a sexual attraction that ends up fading a bit with time until you realize it was only a lust thing and break it off.  

Is it different now? I'm wondering if we haven't become the generation of consumers so much so that we even feel the need to "test drive" our partners before we even think of starting a relationship.  Try the entire product before you buy it. There have got to be people like me still out there because I am not sure I can live in this new kind of dating world. I'm not equipped for this and still want to have a relationship form in the "old-fashioned way," with a series of dates which are equal parts getting to know the person mentally and emotionally, while beginning a slow physical intimacy as well.  

Don't get me wrong. If I really like the guy and believe that a great foundation is being laid mentally and emotionally with him, then it becomes very hard for me to wait as well, and I usually cave in.  However, I don't cave on the first date after we have only emailed a few times and just recently talked on the phone.  I don't think I'm being prudish for that, but who knows? Dating is way more complicated than it needs to be, and as much as I do enjoy meeting new and interesting people, whether a relationship comes of it or not, I still am ready for that phase of my life to be over.  It's too confusing and anxiety-ridden, or perhaps that is me?    

2 Comment count
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Interesting Questions

Maybe we could get together and discuss them further. Over cocktails, perhaps. I have protection. Call me.

Seriously, though, you're right about a lot of this. And it's a vicious circle for both genders, isn't it? Sadly, there's an assumption that the guy's gonna "want it", up front, if the relationship's gonna go anywhere, and so women, especially younger ones, come to assume they're gonna have to put out just to stay on the guy's radar. This then morphs into the (sadly mistaken) belief that the only way to interest a man to begin with is to get him into bed ASAP, often on date #1.

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So True, But Not Going to Happen

I do believe you have hit the nail on the head, no pun intended. However, I am not this kind of girl and am just hoping that there is a guy out there who feels the same way I do and is willing to wait and build a friendship first.