Used to be if you were a comic one of the guaran-dam-teed high-larious things you could do was run for president. Pat Paulsen, Lily Tomlin of the “Stop It Party” and Ron Paul have all done it.
Now, thanks to Stephen Colbert, you can’t just run for president. No, now you have to have your own money—belching anonymous Super PAC. And me? I’m still trying to figure how to get my Kindle Fire books out of the goddam cloud. Sidebar: never fire up your Kindle Fire lying in bed. It’s like an over the bed porn mirror, not that I know anything about that, the point being, just don’t.
But after doing the math on;
Mitt Romney’s How Dare That Black Man Be President PAC;
Rick Sanscrotum’s No Man on Dog Sex PAC;
Jon Huntsman’s It’s My Daddy’s Money PAC;
Chuckie Gingrich’s I’ve Changed With Callista PAC;
Rick Perry’s I Walk Like This Because of My Penis PAC,
I have decided to join them.
I like Sarah Palin’s business plan: take the money and don’t run.
As always, the big challenge is coming up with a PAC name. Here’s what my crack team of consultants has come up with:
Embrace Your Extinction PAC;
Just Send Money to Tammy Baldwin PAC;
America, We Won’t Be Your Wedge Issue This Time PAC;
What is Your Damn Problem With Gay Marriage PAC.
My crack team, emphasis on the crack, doesn’t get the brevity soul of wit thing.
So I’ve decided to crowd-source, as the kids call it. What shall I call my PAC?