I’ve been dreaming more than usual lately. My dreams have ranged from the depressing to the erotic, to loving, to horrific. I am a huge believer that dreams are the unconscious speaking directly to the conscious about what the dreamer knows will be true. Dreaming can also be a way for the dreamer come to terms with the harsh realities of living.
This theory was reaffirmed after corresponding with a friend of mine who played a major part in one of the dreams. In my dream I am living in this huge house with another friend who was in Tunes and Tales with me. In my dream she had a great bedroom in the back of the house. I slept on the couch in the den of the house, but there was a huge wide-screen television in the room. This friend did a tarot reading about the other friend’s love life. I could not see the cards but I knew this guy was not right for the other friend. I intuitively knew that the only reason the other friend was going for this guy is because he is nice and willing to love her daughters, not because she felt attracted to him. In the dream I knew there was another man for her.
The next morning, when I woke, I e-mailed the friend. I’m not sure why I felt so inclined, but I did. She confirmed that the relationship aspects of the dream were on the mark. I don’t know what the other aspects represent. Maybe I miss my Tunes and Tales friend. Or, I could be hung up on the fact that I am living so meagerly and sleeping on someone else’s couch right now. I do know that one of the things that makes me most happy right now is the time in the evening when I am on the couch and I watch television until I fall asleep. Maybe I was trying to address my own happiness.
Other dreams involved my neck. One dream was nice while the other was far more disturbing. The bad dream involved rats. I was surrounded by them while I was trying to sleep. One nuzzled my neck as I slept (on the couch). I woke, in my dream, and the rat jumped hissing across the room. The other neck dreamed involved a man I have crushed on and off on for the last seven years. In my dream I am lying in his bed and he dotes over me, which is so nice. The dream wasn’t really as much sexual as it was nurturing, tender, and affectionate. Standing, he leans over the bed to kiss me on the neck. The kiss is arousing, loving, and intimate. In my dream his face is next to mine for a moment before he stands from kissing my neck. He smiles and I get the impression he really loves me. I love him. This love is beautiful and painful because I feel in reality this man is fighting some genuine and intense feelings for me. My reality and my dream life had a melding at that moment. I know in reality this man is fighting serious feelings he has for me. Another aspect of the dream is that as he stood up his back ached. I have no idea what the dream means, but it was nice. Even if he doesn’t act on his feelings in reality, in my dream life he is adorable and caring with me. Even if it was not a real moment it was a vision that made me smile and happy over the last couple of weeks. His face in mine, him smiling, someone doting over me: it was good for my soul. I do wish for this in my reality, but having it in my dreams gives me hope that I’m not crazy and he does care about me.
Other dreams involved my crazy tuna can of a car and the overwhelming stress it provides me. In the dream I have to pick up everyone I know and drive them across the German autobahn. I could not keep up with the other cars no matter how hard I try. In the dream it stormed and my windshield wipers would not work. It was like driving into an evil expressionistic painting. Everyone in the car kept pressuring me to drive faster and faster. To me, this dream was the most obvious in meaning. My car is an unreasonable hunk of junk that is getting me nowhere fast. Also, I think my car keeps me from keeping up with my friends.
The strangest dream involved Ronald Reagan (who I believe is the devil). In my dream he tries to seduce me. I am in my childhood bedroom—a room that I have horrible memories of. Reagan keeps trying to touch me and coax me into kissing him. I resist. When he realizes he can not verbally convince me to be sexual with him he offers me cinnamon dental floss and classic Dentyne gum hoping that will persuade me to sleep with him. In reality Ronald Reagan has always reminded me on my abuser to the extent that I somehow in my brain rationalized that Ronald Reagan is somehow responsible for what was bad about my childhood.
These are only highlights of my many dreams. I am processing through them. The one thing I have concluded is that there is major change for me in the future. This change will permeate into every part of my life. In my dreams I am forced to address my love life, my career, my friendships, and even my desire for children—which I thought I had no desire for. I’m trying to embrace the changes ahead and how they relate to dreams of muted singing English professors and questions of paternity. I hope these dreams and the examination of what they offer bring the best for me.
Causes Kali Meister Supports
Sexual Assault Crisis Centers, Amnesty International, West Memphis 3, Doctors Without Borders, GLTB Activism