Merriam-Webster’s definition of a cane is “a cane walking stick; broadly: walking stick.” Their definition of walking stick is “a stick used in walking.” My definition of a walking stick is a creepy looking insect masquerading as a twig.
I made a comment on Facebook yesterday about my walking stick. I said if I didn't have a broken pelvis, I would run to the woods where, if I didn't have a broken shoulder, I would throw my GD cane at a tree.
Don’t worry. The tree I have in mind is already half-dead.
Technically it isn’t my cane. He belongs to my sister-in-law. She offered him to me last week because I couldn’t walk more than two steps before the pain from my pelvis fracture spread to my right leg and overruled my desire to get from Point A to Point B. Not to mention I was at risk of falling again. I begrudgingly accepted her offer because Brad Pitt has a cane. It also decreased my pain and helped me limp around the house from Point A to Point Z. What freedom.
The walking stick doesn’t like me.
When I’m sitting down, I lean him against a chair, table, wall or counter. He falls on the floor and trips me when I stand up. When I lean over to pick up the creepy insect, my pain and internal swearing which, amazingly, everyone says they can hear, are increased.
He’s fallen on my feet four times. And it’s no accident I stubbed my right toe on him three times. Today I propped him against the kitchen counter to eat lunch and by the time I finished he disappeared. I waddle-limped-pulled myself one-handed up fourteen stairs and found him hiding in the bathroom.
The cane is decreasing my fake serenity, which, amazingly, no one has noticed.
I give our relationship another week, two tops, before I kick him out of the house. I'll return him to my sister-in-law who thinks he’s steady and reliable and comes in handy from time to time.
She can have him. I plan to never see him again, even if Brad Pitt walks with a cane for the rest of his life.
Causes Jules Jacob Supports
CASA of Southwest Missouri, Master Gardeners of the Ozarks, University of Missouri Master Gardeners, Missouri Court Appointed Special Advocates Association...