where the writers are
Rules of the Road

When you drive, don’t think about the sixteen year-old boys who share the road with you, especially the ones who’ve already had accidents. They shouldn’t be allowed to drive a Big Wheel, let alone a car, but don’t let that spoil your ride. If one approaches from behind while you’re stopped at a red light, you’re safest option is to run the red light. 

Never let them near your rear.

When a sixteen year-old sees the left turn lane traffic moving and deduces all lanes must be moving, pray you’re not the person writing a poem in your head in front of him. If you are and he slams into you, you’ll discover you’re better off if there isn’t a car in front of you.

If you sustain a double hit, don’t feel an ounce of sympathy for the sandwich maker when his eyes well up and he says he’s sorry. You don’t know how bad you’re going to hurt. You haven’t found out yet that although insurance companies love to take your premiums, none of them want to pay your auto accident bills.

When the kid says, “Man, I’m already having a bad day,” don’t smile insincerely and say, “Well, I’m having a bad day now, too.” (What does it take for some people to lose the sarcasm?) This is your opportunity to shake your fist and scream, “You little Fu***r! You ruined my life!” (Pretend you’re on T.V.) 

It’s best not to get rear ended six weeks after extensive shoulder surgery for an unhealed fracture and other complications from another accident. If you're that unlucky, maybe you shouldn't get out of bed in the morning.

When the kid’s Grandpa arrives at the scene, don’t assume he’s Grandpa Walton because you live nineteen miles from Arkansas.  When Gramps offers to “straighten out that bumper and paint the back bumper and scratches on the car,” tell him, "I’m going to let my insurance company 'straighten it out' for me." (By then you’ll realize he actually is from Arkansas.)

When Gramps tells his grandson, "You’re going to have to work even harder to pay these fines and higher insurance rates so you can drive,” try not to slap Grandpa with his grandson’s restricted driver’s license. When Gramps demonstrates how tech savvy he is when he whips out his cell and takes pictures of the damage to your car, remind him the sheriff already ticketed his grandson and he doesn't work for his auto insurance company.

Male teenagers are the most dangerous drivers on the road. We all know it, because either we were cocky, infallible male teenagers or we were the girl sitting next to them, hanging onto the seat or screaming at them to stop and let us out. 

It's dangerous on the streets...proof that walking is still the best thing for you. 

Comments
6 Comment count
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Charmed Life

Wow. Jules, you are one lucky lady. All the really cool stuff seems to happen to you.  I'm jealous.

Seriously, I hope you're OK.  Walking may indeed be safer, but there's always the possibility (in your case, apparently the probability) of a slip & fall. 

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Safety First

Ron,

I'm okay. The safest place for me is sitting in front of my keyboard waiting for cool stuff to happen. I hope I don't have to resort to making things up; that would be so fictionish of me.

Jules

P.S. At the very least my slip and fall could've somewhere other than my own home.

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Oh dear.

I am so very very sorry.  Bad luck could not happen to a nicer person. 

I just now found out I had missed two previous posts of yours.  I knew in reason when I read Part 2 that there must be a Part 1, but I evidently had not gotten notice of it (as I did Part 2) and I was too busy to look.  Then today after reading Part 1, I found out about your surgery.  (So I am very behind.)  (I like parenthesis too.)

Keep being funny but please quit having accidents.  They make good copy, but you have plenty else to write about without funny accident stories. Hope Grandpa and his grandson straighten up now and stay off the road for awhile. 

Seriously, I am feel so bad that this had to happen to you on top of everything else.  Usually after a series of difficult times, life gives us a break (good kind of break--not the kind you have had) and things so smoothly for a period of time.  Hope smooth sailing comes to you and yours very soon.

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Breaks

Sue,

I'm glad you found my other blogs so you know my life hasn't been all doom and gloom this year. When I write about situations such as these, it helps me see there is absurdity and humor in all of them no matter how dark.

I can't predict good or bad times or their length and depth. Like everyone, I do the best I can.

Your concern and supportive comments make a difference.

Jules

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Jules, You've got to stop

Jules,

You've got to stop hanging out on the streets!

Seriously, I am so sorry to hear you've been hurt again. You must be crying "Uncle" at the top of your lungs to the universe by now.

Every warm healing thought I can bring forth is heading your way. I hope the damage to your shoulder (and your car) will be minimal.

I'm glad to see your funny bone is not broken!

Annette

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Bones

Annette,

I cried words to the universe but mostly I chose from my repetoire of poor, pitiful me words and whined them instead.

I've decided I'm not hurt; I'm healing. My shoulder is the best it's ever been in my life, err... this year.

I don't plan on letting anything break my funny bone, at least not permanently.

Your healing thoughts help.

Jules