where the writers are
Hillbilly Snowstorm

Stop the buses—school was cancelled because of the snowstorm that started last night and will end sometime tomorrow. According to the locals, who are apparently in charge of the weather, it will probably end tomorrow. They don’t trust weathermen.

There isn’t enough snow to cover my grass or measure up to the half inch mark on my ruler, but that’s beside the point. Locals call it snow even if you can’t measure it. What’s important is it’s sticking to the roads and cars drive on roads.
My neighbor’s worried about accumulation. She pointed to snow flurries flying around the Dillon’s house. I told her the flurries are just old snowflakes being blown from the trees. She continued to chain smoke.
The Master Gardener’s of the Ozarks meeting was cancelled. They’ll be no swapping (seeds) tonight. When the schools bow to the mighty snow, all the scheduled meetings in Southwest Missouri obediently fold behind them.
Don’t touch your car — driving is cancelled unless you’re from Colorado, Minnesota or the Northeast and you know when you use a broom to sweep the white stuff off your porch, it isn’t snow, it’s a dusting.
Advance preparation (the most thrilling part of the storm) is important in the Ozarks. Expect to be snowed in for several days, regardless of the predicted length of the storm. A trip to Wal-Mart is in order to stock up even if you just got home from the grocery store. The Wal-Mart trip is necessary to ensure you receive the current local weather report from the locals, who’ll predict the storm is going to be worse than predicted.
If you don’t back your car into your driveway before the storm, you’re ill prepared. If you don’t complain about how long it’s taking for the plows to clear the roads, you’re un-Ozarkian. Never mind you aren’t going to drive until you see the school buses go by—if it’s safe for the kids to be on the roads, it’s probably safe for you to drive.

2 Comment count
Comment Bubble Tip

Jules, I can so relate to

Jules, I can so relate to this post since I am originally from southwest Mo. I get all hyper about weather myself, which hasn't served me well living in south Texas. The weather never varies much here, unless a hurricane blows in. Then we make that trip to the grocery and buy out everything on shelves.

Can't wait to actually have seasons again when we move back to Mo. in March. Enjoyed your post!

Comment Bubble Tip



Thank the snow Gods I have you to verify I'm not making (most of) this stuff up.

I'm glad you enjoyed the post. I'm not sure some of the locals would, but that's okay because I change names to protect the ignorant. And as a mark of true ignorance, they wouldn't recognize themselves anyway.

The four seasons are apparent in SW MO. Winters are mild compared to many states, although it's currently 8 degrees; minus five with the wind chill.

I consider spring, summer and fall to be not-as-hot, hot, and not-as-hot.