“Did you get your office chair at Staples,” Ruth asked while we spread mulch at the Rock and Roll Garden on Monday.
“Yes, how did you know?” I responded as I prepared to carefully relocate a wild violet to the compost pile.
“I saw the stitching pattern from the faux leather when you bent over and pulled the violet,” Ruth answered. “It matches the pattern on my chair.”
There was never a pattern on my ass, from my office chair, before I started blogging. It's getting out of hand. If there is going to be a pattern on my ass, it should be from something serious, like writing.
My To Do list for today includes the four items below. They’ve been on my To Do list for today since September 10th.
1. Write three pages of Have a Sick Day. (Do not scoff at a measly three pages. Each page of Have a Sick Day is a unique short story. Each page is a day of the year. Do not copy me or I’ll… I am not in a bad mood. I am writing without contractions to match my upper-crust-crankiness.)
2. Submit haiku poems to #!*@(# and @!&@(# and (#)@*!(*. I can’t publish the names of my publishing prospects. You might steal the spot where my poems are predestined to go if I stop blogging long enough to submit them. Oh, never mind. Nobody cares about Haiku but RJ and he’s probably faking. If you care, you would have noticed the haiku I buried at the bottom of “You Might Not Be A Blogaholic If…” I am a poet, disguised as a writer, completely camouflaged as a blogger. My haiku was a hiccup for help. (Don’t compliment me now; it will be disingenuous since I fished for it.)
3. Query “Horticulture” about Armadillo piece for anecdote section. (I don’t think many of you are interested in America’s oldest gardening magazine. If you are, have at it. I’m saving my creative energy for writing and #4.)
4. Submit Query Letter to $#@&(*&@& and $#&#%#$# Agencies. (I am not listing their names. You might look them up and give them a go yourself— stealing the agent I don’t have yet. Unless you’re not any good, then email me and I’ll give you their names.)
Causes Jules Jacob Supports
CASA of Southwest Missouri, Master Gardeners of the Ozarks, University of Missouri Master Gardeners, Missouri Court Appointed Special Advocates Association...