An addiction confessed and confused

I do this because writing makes me a god. When I write the word big it is not mearly the letters b-i-g neatly strung together in a way that registers as word. It becomes something of substance. It becomes something  I can truly perform sorcery on. It is not merely the one dimensional letters b,i, and g. I can gives these letter height  and throw a rope and climb up the side of the side of the “b” . It is a daylong ascension; it is such a high letter that when I reach its summit eagles angrily shriek at me, warning me off their nest.  I create depth  to this now two dimensional object by spreading out a red and white checkered picnic blanket and sitting there eating .

But these now god like powers, these powers no different then what ever created the round  ball floating somewhat randomly in space, can be extended further. I can create history that previous to this moment simply did not exist.  Before I do that I will sit here on this big mountainous letter of the alphabet eating the curry I had packed in my bag in a hurried rush to get into my car before my journey here. The spices of the curry not as damaging to my tongue as they were the night before as I ate it in front of the television.   

Oh but the nearly omnipotent powers do not stop with the physical world. They move to the world of the abstract as well. I can fondle the rules of grammar, producing a dopamine rush. Resulting in not only me getting a rush of dopamine but all those who experience what I create in a positive way getting one also. Dopamine is a naturally occurring drug formed in the hypothalamus area of the brain among other areas. It is the drug that creates “satisfaction” and “joy” . I am, by definition, a drug pusher, only not prosecuted and persecuted by the authorities because there is no way to witness this illicit transaction.

The way I give the people who read ,my readers, my personal junkies, and their needed fix is not innocent or pure by any means. It is a seductive candle lit scene with words kissing each other and making love to each other until a generation of letters are born and they begat sentences and later paragraphs then stories who incestuous relationship create a book of stories with so many similarities that these hundreds of interwoven stories give the appearance of being one being called a novel.

But it is because omnipotent powers that I am here at this meeting today. I do not want to be a genius. I do not want to see a school full of wizards that battle supremely evil beings. I do not want to see a scenic town in Maine and decide “You know what this town needs? It needs monsters, not only monsters but some of the most horrifying monsters that have been created”.  I want to be able to look at a table and just see a table. Not the history of the table with the shape of a beer bottle stained in it, giving the criminal proof of a love rejected.

As a made up villain in an equally illusory galaxy once said, before I changed his words to suit my needs, I want to see the world through my own eyes.  I no longer want to be a pusher of dopamine, a teller of lies, possessor of a evolutionary mutation called ‘genius’.

 But I choose anonymity. I choose it because I must exist in the real world, in a world occupied by words that only occupy one dimension. In a world where is a table is merely a table and there is no crisis that is solvable only by a man from a different world and different time. I just stood before you and confessed my sins merely because I will do them again, there are many well worn chairs in a coffee house to be  worn down

-------        

Joshua Keidan is the   unofficial official spokesman of Generation X. A self proclaimed (although not often belived) island of normalcy is an increasingly topsy turvey world. We try not to discorage this belief , not so much because we agree with it , but more because it  it keeps Joshua occupied with don quixote-esque pursuits that harm no one and keep him out of trouble a. Who are we kidding , he does strange stuff and it makes us laugh.