“Are you an idiot?”. I suppose this was some sort trick question. I pondered it. I listened to the hold music that sounded very much like a dial tone. Perhaps this was multiple choice? I wonder if this had something to do with creating a new paradigm or this being the new normal. They were taking an awful long time to answer my question and there was no way I would be able to start my NBA career by this evening at the rate things were going. I thought my deal was very fair. For a mere $10 million dollars a year, half of what they were willing to pay Lebron James, I promised to keep the Cleveland Cavaliers as the best excuse for introducing relegation to the NBA.
My geniousity of course paled in comparison to Lebron James. He convinced some of the worst franchises that he could keep them awful for many years to come for $20 million a year. He went to the Steve Jobs School of marketing. Give people, especially Americans, over charge for something they do not need, and they will make you a hero. Of course Cleveland did have something working against them when Lebron James was considering them. That was a terrible affliction that has cursed the city since its inception, which is, it is Cleveland. I am a big vortex of doom anytime I approach anyone who is intellectual and render them into a pandering twit within moments of opening my mouth. Cleveland is very similar. Any sports team or athlete who is in Cleveland is doomed to a life of nothingness. This was exactly the kind of successful business model that the Miami Heat wanted to emulate, which is why they hired Lebron James.
I don’t even think the head of BP makes as much money as Lebron James, although he should because his failures are even more spectacular. Every day we are getting updates about how the livelihoods of thousands of people are getting ruined. Now it was stupid of their grandparents to move somewhere where BP was planning on having an oil spill. Do you see how much those people complain? Oh their livelihoods are ruined, oh communities are destroyed and will never be rebuilt. Please, BP took a lot of effort in identifying what was the cheapest way to make something that would hold together long enough to pass inspection. Personally I think the real crime here is that people don’t appreciate the amount of effort it took to do things so spectacularly wrong. Sure , you average five year old could have thought something better than shooting golf balls and throwing garbage into a manmade oil geyser, but there is not a single five year old on the crisis response team.
So what is the point? In America we reward failure. Destroy the economy with a system of loans that are designed to fail and you get a $20 million dollar bonus. Lead a team to one dismal failure after another and accomplish absolutely nothing of any note what so ever and you become a future hall of famer and get paid millions of dollars for it. Rid Texas, Louisiana, and Florida of those horrid pristine beaches and those useless ecosystems and they make you head of BP. If America wants to be a true leader in the world failure is not the best option, it is the only option.