“Go from here” boomed the voice.
“What?” I was thinking about something. I was thinking a possible trip to Canada. That mythical land where penguins and polar bears drive cars and winter never really ends. Did I mention the tauntauns?
“You have been here too long you have to get going” said the voice. I looked over to my left and there was a mall security guard. He was reaching towards the whistle holstered in his pocket.
“ Sorry about that sir” did I really just call the security guard ‘sir’? I walked on. All the crazies are coming out in this town, and I do need to leave soon if I want to avoid becoming one of them. I think part of the reason I am noticing them is because I am struggling not to become one of them. It all started two weeks ago when I was sitting on a bench going through a well earned bout of self pity.
The sun was shining on a grassy area known as Pioneers Square. I was watching the empty wading pool behind the stage. I was deep in thought, considering what options I had left, each was progressively worse. It was a slip into depression that had become easier and easier to do. With no good jobs to interview for , no extra money to spend and my friends scattered around the world I was left alone with my thoughts. My thoughts, once, not so long ago a source of pride were presenting me with problems I could not solve.
Out of the corner of my eyes I saw something moving. One of the local homeless people. The homeless people, the local ones, are harmless. They mostly keep to themselves, on occasion offering a small hello. The only thing separating them from everyone was clothes that didn’t seem to make sense. They would sometimes sit with vacant eyes and pass the day away in worlds they may or may not know are different from the one they occupy, or perhaps dreaming back to when they were children and the world was full of unlimited possibilities. They just blend in and you just never know they exist.
Then I saw this lady. Wearing a jacket and a wool hat on this warm summer day . She was hopping and skipping like she was a little child. Tonight she may be fighting for her survival , unable to find a place to keep her warm on these cool summer days nights. Trying to figure out how to eat a dinner without having to beg or steal. She was not worrying about those things right at that point,, she was full of pure joy.
This had the very unfortunate effect of ruining my perfectly good and well planned pity party. I sat there and watched and tried to be depressed. But every time I crawled back into the nice familiar warmth of depression, the homeless woman and all her child like joy rudely skip through my wading pool of sorrow, splashing me and my proud suit of doom and gloom. I found myself in the odd position of being angry at her for being happy , I was upset at her for forcing me to admit that “imminent doom and gloom” on a planetary, no not planetary, it was something bigger. This was “doom and gloom” was on a galactic level.
Imminent means “forthcoming” it does not mean right now, but it also mean I have so much time that I can do what . I learned thing “Imminent” did not mean , but I mistook it for the other thing it does not mean. A few days later, that problem would be fixed and my motivation for finishing this chapter. A chapter heaping with pain, sadness , and the occasional annoying literary device would have to come to an end, because if this chapter did not end soon, I would soon find out, there might not be a second chapter.