Poetry Production Continues to Boost Sagging Economy
Yes, it's true. During a visit to what's left of Wall Street, Canada's Minister of Conservative Party Funding and a little Finance on the Side, Jim Flat-Earthily, has announced that despite a slowing housing market, disastrous industrial lay-offs and plant closings, and the repercussions of mortgage-brokers-on-crystal-meth, the one shining beacon in the whole economic melange is poetry production. Overall, Canadian poetry output has risen a stunning 30% in the last six months, contributing a total value of $347.93 to the nation's coffers.
'I guess we wuz wrong about them pointy-headed poets,' Mr. Flat-Earthily said. 'We cut their funning, slashed their grants some good, and yet, poetry production is bounding ahead.'
In fact, in the last financial quarter, the sum total of sonnets, haikus, quatrains, ghazals, villanelles, and sestinas has surpassed Canada's production of SUV's and light trucks. Also, in an unprecedented move, trans-Canadian truckers are begnning to cover the blank sides of their vehicles with verse. One has even planted what he calls a 'Garden of Verses' on his rig, a tribute to the evergreening of the national literature.
'We're now lookin' at exporting some of our excess poetry through the new Poetry Pipeline to disadvantaged markets like the US and Luxembourg,' the Minister added. In fact, current statistics show that in the USA, production of handguns continues to outplace all published poetry output.
Moved to the soles of his Florsheims by this unexpected good news, the Minister has vowed to memorize a new Canadian poem each day, beginning with the Robert Civil-Service classic 'The Cremation of Stephane Dion,' and is considering establishing a new Ministry of National Verse to shepherd this burgeoning flock of Canadian poetry.
Causes John Oughton Supports
PEN International, Amnesty International, League of Canadian Poets, POR AMOR, Greenpeace