Extremely Random House is proud to announce the launch of a first in world literature --the first novel written almost entirely in texting "talk". Paris, TextUs by author BitchGoddess49 eschews traditional prose, instead preferring short lines and paragraphs loaded with ROTFLMAO, B4, 2Kewl4U, WTF, and BRB. Described by its press release as "the texter's equivalent to Joyce's Ulysses", the new novel is attempting to build an audience by releasing tantalizing Twitterfeeds of a few sentences at a time.
As far as this reporter can tell, the novel's dramatic arc mostly involves a group of friends who, like, hang around texting each other and posting updates on various social networking sites. Tragedy ensues when the heroine, Paris Stilton (heiress to a vast Stinky Cheese Fortune), commits Facebook suicide and none ofher homies can figure out what her, like, relationship status is any more. Should they Like or Unlike this change in her lifestyle?
This reporter, not being willing to discount this as potentially valid fiction about the strange times we, like, exist in -- after all, Finnegans Wake had no punctuation, and A Stunning Work of Incomprehensible Genius or whatever seemed to have been taken over by rabid footnotes -- decided to consult some established literary figures for their thoughts. Here's what they said:
Christopher Hitchens: "If this is fiction, the novel is not only dead, it smells like Stilton."
John Updike: "I 'd die before reading anything like this."
DouglasCoupland: "Really, these young people!"
Virginia Woolf: "It makes me want to have a room of one's own -- and close the door."
We look forward to our readers' opinions on this exciting new development in creative texta-fiction.
Causes John Oughton Supports
PEN International, Amnesty International, League of Canadian Poets, POR AMOR, Greenpeace