Let's assume that man’s first crude marks were formed as letters on a surface, that the first letter was an ‘I’ and it was sentient.
We have 'I' or rather First I standing there on a flat surface, maybe an animal skin or the rock wall of a cave. Let's say it's a skin with the hair removed.
It's a bit lonely there by himself but someone puts another stroke on the skin. This gives I an idea. At some point, he realizes he's not alone and finds a whole bunch of other I's have magically appeared. For whatever reason, the skin is set aside and for the moment. First I is left to its own devices. Hmmm. He mentally scratches his non-existent chin and slides over to the next I vacantly standing there minding its own business. Whap! First I kicks Second I who abruptly sits down. "WHAT THE... ????? Second I is now L. Being L, he or it is kind of stuck sitting on his ass with his foot straight out. "What'd you do that for sir?"
"No reason other than you now look different from me and the gang of other I's who look more or less like me. You are unique now. You should be thanking me for making you more valuable."
"Well thank you sir, but if I somehow were to convulse and duplicate myself, we three would be ILL."
"Hmm, let's see if we can't improve the situation." With that, First I slides over to see Third I. I number three was waiting for I number one.
"Forget it. I'm happy as I am; thank you."
Whap! Scrunch! Suddenly the third I was a J. "Hey, that wasn't nice! I liked me as I was!"
"Yes well now you still are, but even more useful. Don't you see? You now have a hook. You can make things happen!"
"Hmmmm, I do believe you're right First I. What do you suppose I could do with this hook then?"
"Suppose you were to give Fourth I a bit of a turn and a stretch? Give that a shot."
"Okay, I will." J marched over to Fourth I and hooked it at the bottom then twisted and stretched up. Fourth I was suddenly First U. First U contemplated itself.
"I believe I'm happier," she said. "I'm a smile. I represent bliss!" U was so happy she did a cartwheel and duplicated parts of herself along the way. There was a trail of little u's. They looked happy, sad and sideways.
My goodness said J, "Look at all those small u's. We could all be small as well don't you think?"
"Maybe, hold that thought J. Let's see how far we get with big letters before we get carried away with the little tykes or we won't know where we are with any of them and we'll get confused. How about if we stick a little u on I Number Five? L, come and give us your leg up will you?"
Between them, J, I and L sidled over to Fifth I where a little u was bouncing around. J hooked little u and spun it towards Fifth who attempted to flee. But L leaned towards Fifth causing little u to slide up Fifth’s right side and where First I tamped it into place. Fifth went rigid.
"You bastards," he said "You've given me a hump! This is awkward, I can barely move!"
"No one will fault you for it Fifth I. Now you’re P. All by yourself you make an arresting statement. No when moves when they P. You will always command the most respect with the least amount of effort."
"I surely hadn't thought of that; thank you your ‘I’ness."
Sixth I slid around next to First I and J. "Do you think you can do something with me? I'm so bent I'm really no use as an I. Maybe I can be something else and have more fun."
"J, you know what to do: hook her by the top and yank down a bit, then the bottom and yank up and let's see how that looks."
A moment later – “Sixth I, you're now First C. You can cuddle others and some will say you are the most popular letter. C is such a cute letter. Everyone will love you."
C was about to leave when I stopped her and asked her to wait. There were other bent and warped letters. One of them was hiding at the far end of the skin they all occupied. When the rest of the letters went to see what the matter was, they found an I so twisted that it was trying to make its way right off the edge of the hide.
"Stop right there! Where do you think you're going?"
"Sorry sir! But I'm too twisted to be contemplated! Please sir let me go! I want to fling myself into vacant space and never be seen again!"
"Nonsense! There’s no such thing as too twisted. Let's have a look at you."
"Hmmm, are you lot seeing what I'm seeing? J, give her a tweak at the top and bottom, same as with C but in the opposite direction at the bottom. L you hook into the bottom curve and pull and I'll lean into the curve at the top and push. That's it! Let's look. A bit more on the bottom don't you think L?
"Yeah, a nudge."
A nudge later and they contemplated their efforts. "My, oh my. What a gorgeous letter. Could there be a sexier letter than that? I you are S! You are fabulous! No need to hide! Come and let us all bathe in the radiance of your form!"
S blushed as four other I’s crowded her and lost their heads in awE. E merged – then seven and eight cross I’d - X! S, E & X bonded and Holy !!@$#*^*)&*__&^*^+ 1234567890!!!!!abcdefg… Batman, the rest is Shakespeare!
Causes John Newell Supports
GREENPEACE, SEA SHEPPARD, PETA, WORLD WILD LIFE FUND