where the writers are

 When I wrote PROFILE OF A GOOD SHIT, it never crossed my mind that anyone would be offended enough by the title to cause the letter H and the letter I in the word SHIT to be replaced with a couple of asterisks but they were.

At first I was pretty incensed that the moderator did that and wrote a protest in defence of those two important letters.

Upon reflection later in bed that night, I realized that if those two letters had not been replaced, I’d never have thought to write this chapter/blog.

This blog is special because it gives me the chance to dedicate the blog and the future book that this blog will eventually be a part of to all of the colon cancer victims there have ever been, those who are current victims and those who will still become victims before they get a chance to read the blogs or this entire book that will save their lives if they pay attention and follow directions.

This dedication also extends to those who have difficulty with the word SHIT.

That’s because there’s a rock solid connection between colon cancer victims and people who have problems with talking about their bowel movements – they are the same people.

Colon cancer is the only form of cancer that is a totally self inflicted injury. It is entirely preventable and if caught early, can be completely cured.

The reason there is such a thing as colon cancer is entirely due to attitude combined with ignorance of one’s bodily functions.

What causes colon cancer is constipation – the subject of the next chapter.

Constipation is caused by irresponsible food and beverage choices. What allows constipation to escalate to the point where it becomes life threatening is pride.

Many people, especially women cannot bear to think that they have to take a shit. Other people have to shit but not them. The process is smelly, messy, nasty and they know that somehow, their own shit can somehow cause them to get cancer. But taking a shit is nothing to do with them, oh no, forget it.

When I was learning Iridology in the early years of my research I examined the eyes of many people. Iridology is an imprecise diagnostic technique that allows a practitioner to plot irregularities in a person’s irises and then translate them onto a diagram much like a road map. If the translation is at all accurate, a lot of information can be ascertained in an hour and a half about the current state of the subject’s body organ by organ. It’s accuracy is pretty well defined right on the spot because some conditions come up the person knows about. Of course the Iridologist generally starts off not knowing anything about the patient so when these known things are found, they lend substantial credibility to the rest of the reading where unknowns are found. It is not a fortune telling tool and Iridologists cannot diagnose, they can only suggest.

There is one type of person whose eyes cannot be read. That type of person is a heavy dairy consumer. Their bodies are so full of slime that there are no visible features beyond eye colour in their irises.

After a while I got tired of practicing Iridology because it was getting boring. I was finding the same thing over and over again. Practically everyone I examined was constipated. At first it was kind of embarrassing to tell people, especially beautiful women that they were full of shit. Eventually I got over it and got pretty smooth at it.

What I found was that some people were so phobic or even neurotic about taking a dump that they would go weeks without a bowel movement.

One guy told me he went on Saturday morning every two weeks. A woman told me she went once a week. Another woman held it until she could no longer stand because she was in so much pain. Too many of you this might sound funny or odd. But the truth is it’s much more common than you’d think.

This state of affairs is entirely due to doctors telling people that everyone’s bowel habits are different. This lie has killed more people prematurely in North America since the Second World War than all the wars in the twentieth century combined.

The lie is one thing. But what’s even worse is that people in developed nations have erected a shroud of secrecy to hide the fact that they actually have to shit and piss. Family members don’t discuss bowel habits. That allows children to develop chronic constipation from an early age.

Collicky babies are the first sign of constipation and that’s caused by switching the baby from mother’s milk to cow’s milk or some other vile formula. The reason the babies are colicky is because they’re in pain from the opening rounds of constipation.

Secrecy might be okay for your banking but it’s definitely not okay for your personal health or that of your family – it’s downright dangerous.

The study of animals, birds, fish, reptiles and amphibians always starts with the same topic – scatology. Scatology is the study of animal droppings, or shit or poop. People who study scatology are Scatologists.

The reason people study the fecal matter of animals is because from fecal matter you can learn very accurately the state of the animal’s health as well as it’s diet. The next thing checked in higher animals is the condition of mouth and teeth. But that’s secondary in importance.

Humans on the other hand wait until they’re dying before they can overcome the socially instilled and totally ridiculous embarrassment at having their colon examined. That stupid phobia can easily cut fifty years off your life. How smart is that?

Then these same phobic/neurotic people tempt fate and eat processed food and junk food. That is the equivalent of playing Russian Roulette with five live bullets in the chambers and a rubber bullet in the last one. It’s a gamble you can’t win.

When I was growing up, I was chronically constipated. My mother used to yell at me saying I was so busy I didn’t have time to shit. To me that was an indication that I was living a full, exciting life. In those days no-one said that if you didn’t take a dump you would get sick and die a horrible death. I didn’t learn the error of my ways until I was twenty nine and at that point it was nearly too late - so late that it took another twenty years to restore the functionality of my colon.

Just because you decide that yes, you are going to change your ways and eat right, don’t think for a minute it’ll be that easy. If you spend years destroying your body, it takes years to heal it once you finally start.

The point is this. Cancer and many other degenerative diseases get their start because people are too proud to say the word shit. You likely know someone like that. They are easy to spot. They are the people who will switch Hs and Is for asterisks and do other things that would never occur to a person with a healthy attitude. If you do know someone like that, you need to have a talk with them. They need help and they need to keep reading my blogs so they can save their own lives.

That is what this collection of blogs is all about – helping people save their own lives.

It’s absolutely not about poking people in the eye with an offensive word.


Therapy for those who have trouble with the word shit:

Shit may just be the most powerful word in the English language. You can be shit faced, shit out of luck, or have shit for brains. With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot.

You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit and die. Some people know their shit while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.

There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, and sweet shits. There is bull shit, horse shit and chicken shit. You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, or duck when shit hits the fan.

You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty.

Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit.

You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit. You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you swim in a lake of shit and come out smelling like a rose. When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of creation. And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!