Mother’s Day is very difficult for those of us who have lost ours. It leaves many of us feeling that there is no reason for celebration. It is a time to remember someone significant, and our mourning begins again.
I’ve had a difficult week. Honestly, this week, every year is difficult. More difficult than her Birthday. More difficult than the day she passed.
I found myself crying during Cheaper By The Dozen 2, yes that’s right, I said Cheaper By the Dozen 2. (It’s a comedy.) I also found myself crying when my Midge gave me my Mother’s Day Card that amongst other things referred to me as a Sanitation Director, a Chauffer, a Chef and a Magician. (Man do I wish I was getting paid for all those jobs!) With the card she gave me a “pinch pot”, purple (because she “knows it’s my favorite color”). The pinch pot is something she made in class for me, a pot, in which the clay was “pinched” to form its’ shape. And, quite honestly, she could have made it in puke brown, because at that moment – puke brown would have become my favorite color.
Back to crying.
I’ve cried recently at the thought of my son completing his first year of high school, and my daughter right behind “graduating” from eighth grade. At watching him play baseball and at watching her dance…
And, it is because all of these things produce thoughts like, “I wish mom were here to see this.” “Mom would be so proud of them” that I find myself in tears more often than not. And, of course, all of this becomes even more exacerbated by, yes, Mother’s Day approaching.
For most who know me, I’ve always been a sap, I’m a romantic, I am brought to tears by Hallmark Commercials and Lifetime Movies, and I love large. The loss of loved ones is something I feel we should all be spared. Unfortunately, it happens to all of us. And, for each of us, grieving is different, and milestones, holidays and the every day will be handled differently as well.
This year, I will try to approach this Sunday with a new game plan.
This year, I choose to celebrate myself on Mother’s Day. This is a bizarre concept for me in many ways; however, I found myself telling a friend to do this and then thought… hmmmm.. Maybe taking my own advice would be appropriate.
I do work hard. I do a lot for my children. Revelation… “Hey, I am a mom. “ , “no really, I am, this is what this all about!”
And, in return for this role I play, my children give me gifts beyond the tangible (purple pinch pot). They fill my heart, they make me smile, and yes, sometimes they make me cry. There is so much to be celebrated on this Mother’s Day – all I have to do is remember – I’m a mom too. And, although I may not be mother of the year, this is a job I’m not half bad at.
I will try to remember this over the next couple of days as I prepare for my own Mother’s Day Celebration. I can’t promise a tear or two won’t be shed, but I definitely see a mimosa in my future, and that’s a great start to any celebration!