In a week, I will have a birthday. Another year less left here on this earth, a place I've learned to enjoy pretty damn much, despite the yanking of body parts, etc. It's taken a long time, this love of living. For a long while I took it for granted. Then it became a burden, heavy with hard things. Then it became something to struggle through, and finally, at the past-halfway mark, it has become a true gift.
Here it is. Take it. It's so amazing. And it's amazing because it's not easy. It's not always fun or comforting or beautiful, but it is precious, even (and often) the hard parts. I still have discomfort with the hard parts, but I know now that even they are in limited number. the hard parts lead to something else--even if that hard part is death. We might as well just watch, observe, pay attention, and see what comes out of them. Something always does, this onion of life peeling and peeling away, revealing more and more and more until poof! it's gone.
When I was younger, I expected some wise person to have the answer to life. Really. Sort of like the Buddha Lucy behind the plywood counter waiting to take my nickel, the wise person would reveal all. The Budha Lucy would show me the curtain and it would rise slowly, giving me an answer. Maybe it would be the unmasking of god or the detailed, true plan of reincarnation or the clear theory of how to live the best, true life.
I never found my Buddha Lucy, though there were many folks who seemed to have some answer. What they had was their answer, not mine. Learning that little lesson was expensive as current Buddha Lucys don't charge but a nickel. However, they led me to what I feel inside now, so again, it was worth paying attention to.
the struggle is only the struggle inside. The world, the earth, living is how it has always been, except with more toys for most of us. Here we are for 80 or so years if we are lucky, watch us go, living, bumping into the walls, spinning, turning around, and trying again and again. If we are paying attention, we know the walls so well, welcome them, stay for more.
Causes Jessica Inclán Supports
Women for Women International Goodwill Industries Lindsey Wildlife Museum Freecycle.org