This year, I just couldn't go to the Academy Awards to hang out with all my good buddies. I love to mingle with George and Meryl and Steve. They've been so good to me over the years. They've just given me so much! I am sure they missed my support.
Really, if I had just managed to buy that ball gown I'd had my eye on, I would have sat right next to Jim and his emaciated wife Suzy, but, really, it was more fun to watch it at home. Sure, I forgot to tape it and start it an hour later to miss all the commercials. So yes, I watched all the same ads that almost killed me during the Olympics.
But what of it? I wouldn't have missed watching every single woman save Kate Winslet almost kill herself via gigantic platform shoes, too tight bodice, or painful dress (Sarah Jessica Parker's was about to strangle her. Miley Cyrus looked as though she wanted to jettison herself out of those painful bra cups and fly back home to her Disney show). Barbra needed a hand down that stair, or dammit, we wouldn't have ever found out who won best director (glad I wasn't sitting by Jim. I know he was secretly ready to jump up and strangle Kathryn. Truly.)
It was like watching Kabuki theater, women scuttling around as though they were wearing wooden geta sandals. And the fabric flowed so much they had to cart it around in front or behind themselves just to make it to the microphone, where they dumped it all down with relief. I was nervous for about three hours that someone would fall and embarrass herself, and thank god, nothing like that happened.
And the men just sailed through in their tuxes. Predictable. Robert Downey Junior and his blue tinted lenses were the only male wonder of the evening.
Anyway, I know I have a ton of email waiting for me from my friends. They want me to know their thoughts about the whole night. Next year, I'll get that ball gown on and my four inch platform shoes and fly down for the night so they don't miss me. Can't wait!
Causes Jessica Inclán Supports
Women for Women International Goodwill Industries Lindsey Wildlife Museum Freecycle.org