I write to you while sitting at my desk, our five-month-old puppy Remy gnawing on my shoe laces.
Make him stop! you think, knowing immediately that I have no backbone or fortitude. It's clear, you further think, that I shouldn't be allowed near an animal.
Maybe you're right. This puppy thing is hard, but we've had a series of hard won adaptations. To wit: collar, leash, walks, potty training (meaning, outside, mostly, and the dog, not us), long night crate sleeps that last almost eight hours. Also, the most horrible habit: no more poo eating. I know. Really.
Our vet--an old friend--suggested that a cure for poo eating is the flavor enhancer Accent. Most people under 50 have no idea what that is. I remember commercials for it, stay-at-home moms rushing around the kitchen dashing Accent on casseroles topped with five pounds of bubbling Velveeta.
Accent, you may know, is mono-sodium glutamate, which we learned in the 80's to be bad for us. Rashes, hyperactivity, the dreadful need for eighteen gallons of water after a Chinese meal.
Thusly, the commercials for Accent disappeared. But I was surprised to find it still on the shelves in the same little salt carton-y container as when I last remembered seeing it in some spice cabinet in my memory.
So every meal for two weeks, we dashed a little on Remy's food. Accent seemed to have little effect on the terrible habit we were trying to cure, but he ate with such gusto! Such enjoyment! We thought it was the lovely organic, free range, naturally processed, corn, soy, wheat free kibble we bought him at 800 dollars a pound.
When the habit did not subsist, I got back on the internet and found that there was a name for this habit (Coprophagia) and that there were some natural remedies. I ordered up a bag of chews containing various herbs and plants (no corn, soy, or wheat) and started Remy on those, dropping the Accent. A couple of days later, the habit stopped. I mean, he runs from poo now as though his fur is on fire.
But then I noticed that he wasn't so excited for his kibble. I mean, well, yes, he ate it. But he looked around. If he were a person, he'd probably want to have some breakfast conversation during the meal. Maybe he'd even have a smoke, leaning back, opening the NY Times before finishing his eggs and toast.
So the bottom line is Accent works. Really. Just put a dash of it on your meals, and you will eat like a puppy eating Accent on kibble. Who knew?
Causes Jessica Inclán Supports
Women for Women International Goodwill Industries Lindsey Wildlife Museum Freecycle.org