My obsession is an image, a feeling, a thought there is a place where all the dominoes have fallen, where the chips lie where Jim Bob threw them, where the grass is greener and there is no other field to aspire to. In this obsession of mine, I have completed all that I need to complete, and yet, I am still alive and kicking. Here, in my perfect task-free zone, there is no driving, no traveling, no work, no cleaning, no thing in the way, just a clear, smooth sail.
So I’m not sure how it all works, this obsession of mine. I don’t even really feel that I have one. I sat here for a moment and tried to conjure up all that that could be called my obsession—is it coffee? Is it exercise? Is it my favorite television show du jour? Is it my past, my present, my future? I don’t even obsess about clothes, shoes, or the infirmities of age, though I do often have bouts of mirror phobia and skin despair.
I pondered, I questioned. For a second when nothing came up, I almost felt sane, until I thought of my desire for the smoothness of life. I obsess over nothing. And because life is never smooth, is never filled with nothing, there is always time to obsess.
When I contemplate the week, I think about the things to get through and past. When I think of a day, I imagine what I will have to do before I can simply sit and stare out the window. When I contemplate the hours—well, the obsession loses focus, but the next morning, I will imagine the time I have to smooth out like so much concrete. Hand me my trowel.
I don’t like to bike trails, and living through bumpy life feels just like a ride on rough dirt, stones and twigs flying. I imagine the straight, flat, even road—and I never arrive on it. Excuse me while I pull this rock from my shoe. Wait, that's not a rock but some drama, student issue, novel-in-progress, relative who needs something. Tag that problem with my name.
But I imagine the flip, light, clear side.
Yes, dear reader, I obsess.
Causes Jessica Inclán Supports
Women for Women International Goodwill Industries Lindsey Wildlife Museum Freecycle.org