We thought we'd call to let you know that your car has been canceled. I regret to inform you that it simply isn't there. You will go up to the garage find it not where you left it, and we have no return-car policy at this time. We offer no discounts or substitutions, but we might be able to get you onto a moped later this afternoon for about an hour, though we are currently out of helmets.
We thought we'd call you to let you know that we've had to take your clothes. We can bring them back sometime in May 2010, though we can't promise that they will be the same clothes or the same size. We also do not guarantee a no-wear policy during their absence, especially that nice little black dress.
We thought we'd call you to let you know that your ability to breathe might have to be postponed. We have no control over this--it isn't our fault. Ma'am--Ma'am, there's no use screaming, and if I were you, I'd save that breath. We will call you after we talk to our people to let you know if this will happen, but make sure you keep your calendar out so we can reschedule you at our earliest convenience.
We thought we'd call to let you know that we've canceled your talent, such as it is. So why don't you back away from the computer right now and go eat a box of chocolates. There's no later talent we can sign you up for today. Sorry, there are no substitutions, coupons, promotional packages, or frequent flier miles you can use on this exchange. No--No. Ma'am, really, I don't have a manager and you can't talk to him. There is no use writing a letter to the management because--are you listening?--you can't write.
We thought we'd call to let you know that we've canceled everything. It's over for now. Just sit there in the corner of your room. Well, the room was canceled, too, but just sit still. Close your eyes. Don't think about one single thing.
Causes Jessica Inclán Supports
Women for Women International Goodwill Industries Lindsey Wildlife Museum Freecycle.org