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A Day of Music and Celebration
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I've been thinking about my wedding vows, and in order to do that, I've done a little recon about weddings and marriage, trying to find some guidance in this very sensitive and intimate area of human life.  A vow is not a thing made simply, and I wanted to know if there was some kind of order or protocol to follow.  Should I go with order of importance?  I vow to always do your wash when I do mine--which would lead to--I vow to care for you through sickness, health, and retirement fund collapse.

Do I want to do the traditional in sickness and health routine? (Which, as I get older, does seem more important) or do I want something mystical and vaguely spiritual?  I really have no clue and have been clueless since I began contemplating all this.  So on the internet I went, and while there, I learned some very interesting facts about marriage in this country.  For instance, four states (California being one of them) allow marriage by proxy.  Meaning, if I get some big book deal fandango and need to fly to New York September 25th, my sister could stand in for me at my wedding.  She could recite my vows about the wash, and "I" would be married.  I would toast them all from the top of the Empire State Building.

More interesting is that Montana allows a double wedding by proxy.  So we could haul the wedding party to Bozeman, and then Michael and I could fly to New York and my sister and her husband could stand in our stead and voilà! Michael and I would be married, toasting ourselves from our vantage point.

Another tidbit:  In Kentucky, it is illegal to remarry four times.  Wait, let me rephrase.  It's illegal to remarry the same man four times.  Three times is fine.  Four and you're out.  I guess there is a limit of how much we can all endure.  Divorce each other , for god's sake, and stay that way.

In a couple of states (Delaware and South Carolina), you better watch those jokes.  In Delaware, if you've been joked or teased or tricked into a marriage, you can have it easily annulled, but the very fact that there are a number of marriage teasers in the state makes me wary of Delaware.  Beware!

In South Carolina, if you are a man over the age of 16, don't even joke about it.  Because if you do propose and do not go through with it, it's a misdemeanor offense.  So there you are, a 16 year old boy, heady with love over your first night of joyful fun with a girl.  You drink a few beers, propose, and then wake up in your twin bed the next morning with a pounding headache and a lot of regret.Whoops!  She and her daddy don't have that same regret, and there you are with a failure to marry on your permanent record.

What would the community service option on that ticket be?

In terms of vows, I've not found something I can easily steal because the bottom line is, these are my vows to this man at my wedding.  I've read a few.  Yes, there is a web site:  http://www.myweddingvows.com/

Go on, read through, find something that fits, and slap it into your wedding.  This example seemed more of a mad lib:

Today, a day of music and celebration,
I pledge to share my life with you.
Whether the days that come are happy or sad,
I will live them with you.
____________, I give myself to you as your (husband/wife).


Fill in the blank.  Literally.

The point here is this.  We've pretty much picked the first dance song.  We've paid for the cake, the music, the booze.  Everything is on schedule, heading toward the date.  All I need to do now is figure out what to say besides "I do."