The past week there was a court order by Viacom (owner of CBS, Nick at Nite, TVLand, MTV, Comedy Central, VH1, CMT, Spike, BET, Noggin, The N, gee no monopoly here) has ordered that they want YouTube viewers histories in what they watch. Of course the privacy advocates are having baby kittens about this. I don't blame them. Let's face it, some people watch pretty dirty things on YouTube. I believe I should come clean with what I watch on YouTube. Please be prepared, it's not pretty. However, I feel that honest is the best policy.

            "Listen to Lucy" from It's Flashbeagle, Charlie Brown!  Lucy is leading the kids to Simon Says, but it becomes Lucy Says. The voice is by Fergie from the Black Eye Peas. I should also confess my niece and I have danced to this song on occasion.

            KBHK's sign off from 1984. Remember back in the day when they had signoffs?  When they played the National Anthem and then the screen would go all fuzzy? Now it's all infomercials.

            Bob Wilkins as Captain Cosmic-he was faster than a BART train, could soar above the TransAmerica building, and you could get your ring and decoder card from Baskin Robbins. I just found out they took this video down. Bastards.

            Bob Wilkins as the host of Creature Features.  There was nothing cooler than Bob Wilkins smoking his cigar, sitting back in his yellow rocker, and introducing bad movies. Mr. Wilkins has Alzheimer's  now so sadly he will never come back on television and give his pithy take on television.  There is a new addition of a special he did on Space Invaders and the Silicon Valley.

            Charley and Humphrey Public Service Announcements- If you grew up in the Bay Area, you saw two puppets learning a very special lesson. One was a bulldog, and well, I could never figure out what Charley was. "Glue! I need glue..." Pat McCormick did the puppets and they don't exist anymore. Let's rebuild Charley and Humphrey!  The Bay Area needs them back!

            Dialing for Dollars theme song-This was also hosted by Pat McCormick. Janis Joplin made DFD famous when she sang "Oh Lord, won't you buy me a color TV?/Dialing for Dollars will surely call on me." My grandfather watched this everyday. Never mind he never sent in a postcard, he was just positive they would call.

            Countless episodes of Guiding Light, EastEnders, As The World Turns, Texas, and Another World because they are just fun to watch, be it seeing a young Julianne Moore as Frannie Hughes, Kelly Nelson and Nola Reardon having a showdown, or Den and Angie clips.

            The crying Indian PSA-remember this one? The Native American guy goes on his canoe and then finds trash all around, then someone throws trash out of their window and there's one solitary tear coming down his cheek. I don't litter because of that tear.

            Countless episodes of MST3K-it makes me laugh. Period. Although when I watch Manos: The Hands of Fate for some reason under Related Videos we see a woman named Fuko with big breasts getting into weird situations because of her breasts. How this is related to Manos: The Hands of Fate is beyond me.

             John McQuirkin's Hollywood Happenings- If you need a good Hollywood fix, go to John McQuirkin's channel. He'll give you the Hollywood headlines, is loyal to his subscribers, and does funny imitations of celebrities. Plus, unlike some "infotainment" shows, he doesn't make up the stories! Whoa, shock, huh?

            Well Viacom, now you know what I watch. I hope you aren't too shocked. As Humphrey would say, Peekie Boo! Put on a happy face! Nobody likes a grouch! Bye bye!