March 31, 2012
In our childhood abuse, we learned to place our focus on our abusers. Living with constant uncertainty, we watched their moods to gauge our reactions. Faced with the physical and emotional pain they created, their feelings became more important than ours. We turned ourselves inside-out trying to understand them so we could try to create normal days out of chaos. We accepted their shame as our own. Worried about our survival, we listened to their reasons for silence.
We did the best we could in the shadows of childhood by becoming experts about our abusers. We didn’t know our connection to our personal spirit was a casualty.
Our spirit was there during our abuse. It made it possible for us to live, learn, love, and laugh in spite of the dark corners in our days. But as we turned the force of our attention on our abusers, our chance to hear its guiding messages or feel the gentle nudges were greatly diminished.
Healing brings a new relationship with our spirit. While our abuse gave us no choices, the journey to well-being calls on us to make choices every step of the way. Every time we choose, reject, turn down one path or pick another path, we are empowering ourselves. Those choices come from our inner wisdom… the seat of our personal spirit.
Learning to turn to our self rather than our abuser for information, we begin shaping our days and our future with our personal spirit guiding. This connection grows stronger until we can walk off an elevator because someone just doesn’t feel right. Or we can follow a feeling that leads us the perfect book, song, movie, moment, person, and insight to move our healing forward.
Healing from childhood sexual abuse brings many gifts to us. Being vibrantly, constantly in touch with our personal spirit is surely one of them.
Notes along the way… Jeanne McElvaney
More notes at http://www.GoToSpirit.com