I was walking through a rainforest alongside you. I couldn't see myself, but I could see through my eyes and I could see you so I knew I was me. We weren't speaking. Yet it was the most communication that had transpired between us since the day we met. You extended your hand to me and when we climbed over that giant rock, the view of the waterfall before us took my breath away. I breathed deeply and felt completely at peace. Waking up from this dream to the reality of you being next to me kept me in this dream state, even as I walked you to the door and kissed you good bye. Shortly thereafter, when I made my way to the shower and then subsequently on to bed, I could not recapture the magic of falling asleep next to someone so solid...whose presence carried over into my dream.
You might be wondering why I am bringing this dream up three days later. Today at lunch, I happened to sit by a man made water fall. There were trees and the peaceful sound of the water hitting the rocks made me take a deep breath, close my eyes and tilt my face up towards the sun. The moment I did that, I felt a very real sense that I had done this before, that the feeling of serenity that ensued was something very real which I had very recently experienced. And it took a moment before I recalled the dream that I had all those nights ago, lying next to you.
It brings to mind our conversation earlier. We talked about our current situation. Our "affair" which for purposes of this letter will be defined as "a romantic or passionate attachment typically of limited duration" or even better, where I fear we will end up "a matter occasioning pulic anxiety, controversy, or scandal". And I realized, I've been a part of an affair before. His name was Benny. He was the first love of my life. He introduced me to what it was like to be truly courted and romanced. And every moment I spent with him seemed like it was out of a movie. Our conversations were legendary. I could spend all day talking to him. And because I couldn't see him often, every time we did see each other, we couldn't get enough. One day he sort of slipped out of my life w/o me noticing. I know, it then becomes a question of how did the love of your life slip out of your life w/o you knowing? He was my breath of fresh air. But life still went on when he wasn't around. I had relationships