I'm sick to death of Santa. Not the one I came to know and love via numerous Christmas stories and TV specials (nod to Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer), but the one that has been foisted upon us by countless advertising executives. Last night was the last straw.
I was in bed with my wife reading as she watched TV and began to nod off when an ad came on depicting Santa opening the barn door to his reindeer on a very cold North Pole evening. He was a classical santa with a real beard and the set design was of a post and beam barn, which drew me in. Then you see the reindeer, which were real, but between their antlers they had maps of cell phone coverage across the US. While most of them had nice full red maps, one had a not so full blue one (ATT&T I think) and o Santa yells at Blitzen (or whatever) to get his act together and fire his cell phone carrier for lack of coverage.
This Xmas and every Xmas Santa has been used to sell everything from shaving cream to beer to tons of other crap and it is cheapening the entire experience. My kids who still believe in santa watch this stuff and are coming to see Santa as nothing more than a marketing ho willing to sell out his brand reputation for a rich marketing contract. That's wrong.
So I woke my wife up and asked her why they don't just cut t the heart of the matter and start using Jesus and his birth to sell their stuff. He doesn't have a copy right, he is long dead, so it's not like he is going to sue (unless he resurects again) and he carries a fairly huge brand image even among people, such as myself, who do not believe in his divinity. He was something of the Ghandi/MLK of Judea.
So then I started laying out possible ads for my wife:
- Mary and Joseph are walking the Bethlehem, but they are tired and hungry so they swing into a Pizza Hit (when you need to fill up on the go, grab a pizza);
- Mary has just given birth to Jesus and he is laying in the manger with the wisemen presenting their gifts when all of a sudden there is a soft noise from the manger and everyone looks a little sheepish because Jesus has pooped in his swaddling clothes and hay. All of a sudden Mary's mother-in-law emerges from the background and says to the wisemen in a very NY City Jewish accent, "You're so wise, but you didn't bring something the child of God really needs!" Then turns to Mary, "Here sweety, Pampers."
- Mary is giving birth to Jesus when all of a sudden the lights in the barn flicker out. There is silence until the Ever-Ready Bunny shows up and charges a string of lights and an announcer says in the background, "When you can't rely on divine intervention, there's EverReady batteries."
- The baby Jesus is laying in the manger with wisemen et al around him and the camera pans over to Joseph looking worried and talking quietly with a friend, "This is great, but what about tomorrow, what about saving for his future, for his college. How do I take care of and manage the financial needs of the lord God's son?" His friend leans in and says, "When my Isaac was born I turned to Charles Schwab, he stood by me." Then an announcer says as Joseph looks serenely upon the seen of Jesus' birth, "Schwab, standing by you and the son of God."
So anyway, why just ruin Santa at Xmas. Why not go for broke and bring in the heavy hitter of Xmas himself and just tun the whole thing into a rediculous act of marketing and materialism?
Causes James Buchanan Supports
Expanding health care in the US, ending war as a viable tool of foreign policy, and issues related to social justice in general.