The last couple of days have been exhausting, I cannot sleep and when I do I am waking up on the hour. Walking the house and ignoring the noise level in my head. Seems I have managed to tap into thoughts, worries and loss, fear of the future. I am cross that I can't seem to switch off from this. These are not my thoughts, they are loud, insistent and exhausting and there is s0 many, many of them.
This morning I decided to check with my people to see what is going on and where we go from here, finally. It was like turning on a tap again. Instantly the babble in my head was soothed and the harassed feeling left. I stood for a moment and closed my eyes and opened my heart to spirit. Tobias stepped in front of me, still as a person, I don't think I like this, it concerns me he is still showing in a human form.
"Can't ignore me forever" he says "I will just wait". I glare at him, "Stubborn!" His eyebrows shoot up "Really and says whom?". I glare again and then sigh. I shake my head. "I'm sorry". He steps closer and touches my shoulder. "It's okay, we do understand, but when you shut us out you end up hurting you too".
I sigh again. I look around, something is different. I turn sharply "Where is Lena?" Tobias watches me. "While you were not listening, things changed". I stare at him. "What things? What changed? Where is Lena?" Normally I would know if Guides change and get to say goodbye, in shutting down I have missed an opportunity to say goodbye to my dear friend. "Is Lena gone?"
"Yes" replies a musical female voice from beside me. "Who are you?" I demand. (You know if I were the Guides, I would give up on me for sheer rudeness). Tobias childes me "Lena has gone, you newest Guide is here for you" I stare at her. She is luminous light blue, ethereally beautiful, watching me with doe eyes of dark blue. Everything about her is blue. For me blue is a healing colour. She exudes calm and strength. She waits and watches me quietly. I look at her slowly,
The penny drops, "We all had changes... All of us here? All the people in New Zealand, especially those around and in Christchurch?" Tobias nods. "Why?" My new blue friend steps forward, she touches my arm gently, she shimmers blue as in her musical voice she explains. "Many will leave the City, many will never come back, many will never emotionally recover. Those who will stay will need strength and resilience to rebuild, for the new beginnings. To those, we come to bring strength, hope and love. At the time that the City fell, the changes were put in place to let people know while there was loss, pain and sorrow. There is miracles, hope and rebirth".
I listen. Part of me completely understands. The human part of me that hates change, hates the hard learning, the loss of life, the sadness and grief, understands that we simply don't learn to change things unless we are challenged. One thing that I truly know to be true having lived here most of my life, is that Cantabrians' are stubborn, tenacious, gritty and amazing people with the capacity of huge hearts and love.
We have a long road to recovery here and we are at the moment, still looking and not giving up hope on the search and rescue. However, I look at the determination on people's faces. Their Guides standing behind them, giving strength, love and understanding and I know, no matter what, there will be people who refuse to give up on our City, our Heritage. The young people, the Student Army, helping, caring. The people who love this Town and no matter what comes next, this amazing mass of people, all of us, refuse to let this cripple us and with this determination, passion and commitment, a new era will begin here in time and I AM grateful. Grateful for the patience, understanding, love of the Guides. Our amazing miracles that happen and the sheer determination of people to survive and move forward.
Thank you Lord, for watching over all, giving peace, hope, love and sending the Angels and Helpers, Guides and Teachers to enable us to grow and move forward and to heal.