Last night, in the middle of the night, no surprise I was awake again. Hmmm 3.00am starter times... Anyway I was lying in bed thinking, thinking I have work tomorrow and will I be okay. I am such a challenge to the Guides at times, worry about this, worry about that. I'm shaking my head as I am typing this. I am guilty of doing what I tell others NOT to do.
Anyway I felt Tobias come in closer, "I feel so heavy" I said. "You are doing this to yourself" "I know, pull me up please" I hold out my hands to him, he takes my hands and pulls me out of the physical. "Are you too lazy to do that yourself?" I laugh "No I like the sensation of pulling away from the physical, the lightness, like shedding a skin, a very heavy one". He laughs. "Why are you worried about tomorrow?" I turn and look at him, straight away cats eyes appear, how can I take him seriously when he does this, the eyes watch me patiently. I sigh, "What if I have forgotten how to read?" The cats eyes blink, he stares at me. Whenever he does this I have an over whelming need to start laughing, there is a world of things, emotions and understanding he puts into expression with those eyes. The eyes watching me are saying "Really?, Really, you have actually voiced something so silly, when reading is second nature to you". Hmmm he's probably not going to answer me you know.
Before my eyes, a painting appears, it is of a man, who is walking along a path, over the man, leaning down whispering to the man is a large winged Angel. I know the painting. It's called Tobias and the Angel. I love the painting, the story behind it is that an Angel spoke to Tobias and gave him guidance on what was about to happen in his life. Tobias in order to get through the next stage HAD to trust the Angel. I look at the painting again and look back at the blinking cats eyes. "Oh all right Tobias! I get your point" I really don't think that it is any coincidence at all that my gorgeous Guide is called Tobias you know. It's just that the roles are reversed. He is the Angel and I am the man... He is basically telling me to trust.
The eyes blink and the painting disappears. I look sideways at him. Very funny.... Tobias starts talking, light shines all around me, we are on a beach, the moon is shining down like a careful watchful mother. I look at Tobias as the colour of old gold, bright and burnished swirls around and around, he looks like a sun. "We cannot give you Trust, you have to have the confidence to Trust us, we support, guide and love you. However, we cannot make you Trust." Tobias's voice is rich, warm, understanding and patient. I know this and am feeling guilty. Nothing has changed from last year, I have just had a break. I woke up to some understanding about myself and in all reality I am really looking forward to going back to work. I love this work, it resonates at a soul level, it's what I believe in.
It takes courage to trust, it takes commitment to stand tall and be happy on your journey. I love people really, with their problems, their hiccups, their drama. It's no different from mine really, and if I can with the help of spirit, the beautiful Guides, the ever present and patient Angels, why shouldn't I do this work. I watch the sea and Tobias watches me. The wavelets play on the sand in the "inbetween" the sea hums and the wavelets sing "Come play with us, come play". Tobias moves and I am enveloped in a warm blanket of energy, peaceful, wise and understanding. I look down at the colours of me, shiny like a new penny, and the intermingling of old gold. I know he is right. Trust is the key, it unlocks who you are, it lets you shine like a beacon. If you trust in yourself, you have acceptance. If I trust in the Light as well I have strength and acceptance.
Tobias whispers "Shine" in my ear and I close my eyes and smile. I feel the slow seeping of heaviness and know I am coming back to the physical. The sheet feels heavy on my body and there is heat as the night air pushes through, I am back. I smile and turn over, all worries and thoughts gone. I am me, nothing has changed and I walk in the Light, and I trust.