You know I've said it before and I will say it again, Alanis Morrisette summed it up. Life has a funny way of sneaking up on you, when you think everythings okay. Today, I'm just tired, absolutely tired. I think the rest of my family are tired too. Tired of me sneaking around in the middle of the night. I know my poor husband is tired of me, either shrieking or crying in the middle of the night due to bad dreams at the moment. I do feel that we are in a middle of a change, and while I know that this in the end will be a positive thing and the Guides also tell me that I have enough strength. On days like today when I am really tired, I do not feel like the lion.
To be perfectly honest I feel more like the WITCH... a grumpy intolerant one. I think the icy woman the other day, could well have been me. But part of me knows that taking stuff out on hapless people is equally frustrating, then you just do guilty as well and then feel doubly awful. Today after I got home from being out with a lovely friend, I lay on my face on the bed. Tobias came closer and wrapped warmth energy around me like a grandfatherly hug, bone squeezing and huge. "Tobias, I'm so tired, can I please just have some sleep without the dreams? I don't know if I have the strength to get through the day otherwise. Plus I have people to see and I can't yawn my face off in front of them". I get a mental picture of a lion, mouth open hugely yawning in someone's face and their hair blowing backwards from the yawn and their eyebrows to the roof and snigger, gosh darn my visual side.
"My tolerance levels are slipping" The cackling voice of Bad Jelly the Witch echos in my memories, in perfect tones of Spike Milligan. I become aware of Deena sitting on the side of the bed and I squeak an eyeball sideways at her. She touches my hair gently, calm radiates off her in waves. She leans forward and looks at my eyeball, nice. "You do have enough strength, you just need to lean on us to help you through these times of transition". I roll said eyeball. (Hmmm I do that a lot lately, very bad habit). My voice comes muffled "Can I just stay in the wardrobe, while the transition happens, then no-one can ask me any questions and it's dark and peaceful".
"No" says Deena and I hear Tobias snort. The song "Lean on Me" lightly trails across my mind, a thousand voices blended in harmony never heard on this world. I flop over onto my back and sigh. "So the wardrobes out then?" Again I hear ole shiny one snort! Lord, you know at times their frustration levels with me must escalate to the roof, they never, ever show it. Patience for all my rotten Bad Jelly Grumps is enormous. I lay on the bed and look at the ceiling. You know my husband asked me how much I trust the Guides. I trust the Guides enormously, after the period of time I have been working with them, they have given me absolutely no reason not to trust them.
The problem is I am just tired. Mind you so are a lot of people. Certainly over the last year we have had an awful lot of changes, they haven't just been at a local level, but all around the world there has been challenges. The Guides once told me, we are never given more than we can cope with as part of our growth and understanding. Some days like all of us, I wonder if I am heading in the right direction, made the right decisions but then spirit comes in close while I work, wraps their love around their loved ones with reconnection and lights the way again.
So at the end of the day, could I stay in the wardrobe? Part of me says Hell yes! The other part of me says NO matter what changes in our world, WE chose to be here at this time, we chose for things to change and to be perfectly honest, things need to change. How we deal with others, how we value them and appreciate them, also our beautiful world. If we want it to be here for our children and their children, there needs to be some big changes. I sit on the end of the bed and look at beloved faces. The air changes and I look at hopeful faces of spirit yet to reconnect with their loved ones during the changes to come to pass and offer the reconnection proof of existence beyond this realm, but also much-needed guidance in these times of change of what we ourselves need to see our way clear.
A lovely man has come forward to remind me of the time, and work still to be done today. He beams at me delightedly "My grand-daughter is coming tonight, I am so excited" I look at Deena, she winks. "I get it" I mumble "The wardrobes completely out and the witch won't work either". I smile back at this beloved Grand-dad and I know that even if things change, this won't. There will always be loved ones from spirit supporting us here during the changes and no matter what happens, this is definitely where we are meant to be. Here, have some lion pills, we may need them at the end of the day, but we will get through it in the end and I have work to do, so do you!