It's times of change and so in the evolution of ourselves within the ongoing changes of the Universe, this year in particular we will be called to find our feet within ourselves. Sounds easy but in reality all those times, you have pushed away your emotions, smothered how you felt, and hid you from yourself, will be called to answer in this year to 18 months.
Personally I struggle within relationship with self, and therefore relationship with others. Working on self sucks. I can hear my Guides sighing at this one. Well come on, really? Sheesh it is much easier to deal with others problems than it is to deal with yours. I over heard a lady at the local swimming pool, whom I knew by acquaintance but one afternoon at Sport had unloaded all her "problems" on me. I listened this week as she sat and "told" her friend how to deal with all her problems. Hmm and I know that we have all been guilty of this as well, so I am not really picking on her as such.
The Sacral Chakra is governed by the hue of Orange, and is emotional state, sexual energies in relations to self, view of self, creativity, spontaneity. All of the chakras, as I see them, are moving energy centres, with smaller sub-chakra tubes, within the main chakra. They can get blocked, spin lopsided, or be closed smaller or larger governing how we feel about ourselves. These are your energy centres so they adjust completely with your understanding and your emotional state.
Also in your Aura of which there is multiple layers, is the relationship with self layer. Now if you are anything like me and love to deny at times, feeling things, you can have problems in both areas. How we view ourselves is much more important that what we believe, for this is how others see us as well. Think of it this way, everyone sees some "Mirror" emotions or weaknesses in others, they will indeed have this emotion or perceived weakness in themselves. It is truly the "Mirror Effect".
This afternoon I was working in the "In between" with Cornelius to work on my blockages in both my auric field and my Sacral Chakra. I don't think I need to tell you that the frustration was endless on my part :/ Anyway, why? Because I need to do the remedial work now as we move forward into the coming years. It is a block that is holding me back, but also I needed to blog about it because some of you too will be feeling the "pinch" of non acceptance of self this year as well and mine has simply manifested into my physical as well causing drama in intestines and bowel. (I know, thank you Jac for sharing).
I stand on the beach and dig my toes into the sand in frustration, I look out over the sea and listen for a moment to the gentle pull of the wavelets on the beach "Come play, come play". It is sooooo tempting. Cornelius moves into my line of sight, to regain my attention. "Aren't you sick of me yet?" I ask him. He smothers laughter, but the rippling colours of him give him away. "No, not yet". Argggh it would incredibly easier if the Guides just got annoyed and stomped off. Simply what I feel like doing anyway.
"Again with the energy" he says and I look down again at the energy I am formulating in my hands. It is the brightest hue of orange and it is being generated by me for me. It is about the size of a small orange, part of me wishes I could just eat it and get it over with. However, I cannot and I sigh. Cornelius catches the sigh and focuses attention on me completely. "Cannot build it, if you cannot believe it. Cannot believe it, cannot give it intention. Cannot give it intention, cannot make it grow". It is such a familiar guidance I could throw something at him in annoyance. I can generate enormous amounts of energy at times, make myself huge, but this, this is hard work. I have to mean it directionally for me. Worse I have been picking at myself this week completely and have managed to do some more damage to self-esteem as well, so I have extra work to do.
Only problem with being an energy worker, you know how to undo all the energy you create. I am now cursing at myself, at my own self destructiveness. The orange energy ball shrinks in my hands as I think about my self-destructive tendencies. It is the size of a squash ball now. I turn and hurl it out to sea in annoyance. As it leaves my hands, Cornelius catches it in energy and hovers it about a foot out from me, as I glare at him and the orange energy ball. "You can feel annoyance, you can feel frustration, you can feel anger, but until you work through it, you will always fail".
I squeeze my eyes shut in annoyance. Arrghhh. No one is making this hard for me. It is ME doing that. I reach out and snatch the ball off him. It shrinks to a marble size and I feel like screaming in frustration. I blow out air like a whale, through my mouth, my favourite thing to do when annoyed, that and hissing but that's another story. "Gently" advises Cornelius. I refrain from glaring at him and focus energy on the diminished "marble".
I pull down energy from the Universe through my Crown charka and feel it flow through me down my arms, it is like liquid, the feeling flows down me and centres in my palms. "Intention" advises Cornelius patiently. I feel like I am a small child, back at preschool, struggling to sort something so simple but elusive. I send loving thoughts to myself, I appreciate who I am, I acknowledge I am kind. The colour deepens and wavers "Own it" says Cornelius. "I'm trying" I mutter. It is very hard to do a self-appreciation energy on yourself, you are more likely to wind yourself up with all your flaws or perceived flaws.
I add love, the love of being alive, having a physical and the wonder of the experiences of the earth plane and the ball increases in size and colour, it is now the colour of rich orange and the size of a grapefruit. "Add more love" advises Cornelius. I draw a breath and focus on intention, I love people, the ball doesn't change. "Has to be about self" advises my beloved patient teacher. Arrghhh. I love my laughter, I focus that intention and the energy flows, the ball grows in size to a small soccer ball. "What now? I can't think of anything more at the moment!". Cornelius sighs and says, "All right for this time. Now centre the energy down by the sacral and widen your chakra like inhaling the energy". I know how to do this, so I nod and move my ball into position. I widen my Sacral Chakra and gently open the sub chakras. It has taken me a long time to get sorted in myself what I can and can't do with my Chakras, but again that's another story.
The energy flows seamlessly from the ball in myself, merging and soaking its richness into the chakra. I feel a warmth in the pit of my belly as the benefits of understanding and love soak into my abused chakra. The Auric layer of Relationship with self, glows brighter around me. Once the energy is dispersed into self, I gently allow my chakra to diminish back to normal and leave the sub chakras processing and harmonising the energy.
I look at Cornelius "It won't last, will it?" He looks at me gently and lovingly. "It is a constant work in progress". "Meaning no really". I laugh. "Alas" he says, "it is a tiny drop in the sea of work you have to do". I wrinkle my nose at him. "I know, but thank you, at least it's a start". He beams at me "Yes, it is a start". So I have more work to do, and you know I know that also so do you. Acceptance of self, warts and all is hard, and I have been hiding a long time from me.
Start simple, think Orange, send it to your Sacral Chakra and start looking at how you talk to yourself in your head. Do you berate yourself continually for what you perceive you should have done, could have been? Start changing your thoughts, start appreciating who you are and the value of you. Change it now for you are truly worth it. :)