Sometimes I wake up and really wonder which reality I am now in. It can take time to remember that I am on the Earth Plane and indeed am in a physical body...
Sometimes things surface and just are remembered.
There is pain, intense, excruciating, I am burning in agony and then none, no pain, nothing. I open my eyes and look around me, brilliant light, it doesn’t hurt my eyes, it instead warms me in a way that is completely familiar. I turn my head, Michalai looks back, eyes warm as the sun. I’m lying on a bed surrounded with light. “Welcome back” he says. “How long this time?” I ask. “57 years, don’t you remember yet?”
“No, not yet” I answer. He pats my shoulder affectionately. “It will come back” he says. He turns and looks behind him into light and turns back. “The others are waiting for you”. I’m trying to test my thoughts but feel like there is a perpetual echo, like something was important but the essence of it is gone. Remembrances flash through my life, like another echo of who was I, who I am. There is no confusion in this just an echo, like a call from a distance shore lost in the wind from the head land. I feel like I’m struggling with something I was supposed to have remembered.
Michalai leans in “Don’t fight it, you are home now”. His eyes are sympathetic, a million years old, I feel like I have known him forever. He smiles “You have”. I laugh out loud, in this world; there is communication at more levels than physical speech. I’m home, familiar but completely unfamiliar at the same time. I move to sit up and feel peculiar in the movement, like I have moved incredibly fast for some reason. Michalai laughs again. “Oh the limitations of the physical body removed, takes some getting used to again”.
I shake my head, forgotten, so many things forgotten. 57 years away seems like a lifetime, but a moment away. I had got used to the slowness and the heaviness of the physical, and moving here, until I remember all, will feel like I am on hyper fast mode. Echos of voices again fill my mind. Michalai leans in again, “Are you ready to remember? Are you ready to review?” I glance at him “I’m finally home again?” He laughs “Yes, home again”. I close my eyes. The warmth and understanding of the word home, it’s like a wave of delight, I chose to go, I have been gone for 57 years, but this feeling of home, it embraces me with delight.
“How did I go?” Michalai stands, hold out his hand “Come see for yourself”. I hear laughter in the distance, aware at some level, that we have never been alone, hidden movements of people shifting around me, slivers of light moving. I clutch a memory “Receiving Room?” “Yes, don’t worry, the old memories have just been buried beyond the reach of the physical mind. As you adjust you will stop the limitations of that and come back to who you are”. I stand and look around, light reflects and bounces around me, tangible alive. Not overwhelming or blinding, just light. Tinkling laughter again echos through the light reflections, I know we are not alone.
He stands by my side, “Thanks for collecting me” I lightly touch his shoulder. “We have always collected each other” he reminds me. An echo of an image, brilliant light in my mind, whispered voice, “It’s time, take my hand”. He smiles, “yes” he says simply. In one moment I remember the feeling. Relief, completion and delight, going home, no regrets just going home.
We move as one, his energy supporting me, the newness, the lightness of travel, the walls move seamlessly with us, there but not there. Light everywhere, calmness and understanding, light vibrations of a musical nature surround us, vibrate through us and it is one of harmony and acceptance and love. It’s like I’m a sponge, away from water too long, I have forgotten the bliss of being re-harmonized within the light, each step I take I feel lighter, more awake, and more aware.
There is movement in the light, movement around me, shades of figures, whisping past me, tiny light thoughts, lightly touch me and move past me. I feel like I would have to strain to hear them, but part of me wants to as well. I feel at the moment like I am in a world between worlds, not quite severed from the physical but not quite completely here. Michalai’s energy surrounds me like a cloud, sustaining and energizing.
The walls shift again and we are in a small space, I cannot call it a room, because it is a space, a space of light. We move forward and the walls shift and change. Michalai moves. “Stay” I ask, “You know it anyway”. I close my eyes and feel a part of me shift, like the unblocking of a dam, emotions, images, understanding. It comes free from me like a wave and instantly the walls change, images from the wave burst forth on the walls.
A baby, small perfect, cries in perfect detail from the walls, multidimensional, I feel like I could reach and touch this perfect, pink child. “It’s a girl, congratulations”. The sense of being this child, the coldness of the air on it’s skin, the awareness of the body, residing within, the stresses of the birth experience, knowing I’m committed to the earth life. All of this flows through me from this visual snap of the birth of a child. It is not slow there is image after image, coming faster, in blinks of an eye, the unravelling of a story, a life. Within each image, the emotion felt, sensory awareness, limitations of the body, hurts, misunderstandings.
Beyond that, at a much deeper level that is awakening, an understanding that I chose these people, this family, and who they truly are, is starting to open like the unfurling leaves of a new-born plant. A second has passed, the child is two, wide-eyed at the world, standing at the side of a river, the water fascinates her/me, draws her. A voice calls, she hesitates and then plunges. The shock of the water, its coldness, her lack of fear, a memory of another world, passes through me, and she is plucked from the water laughing, by a concerned parent. The image flashes, I see the father. Recognition soars. I turn, “We have much to talk about, Michalai”. His eyes kind, “yes”.
In infinite detail, the life, the emotions, the choices, the misunderstandings. The story unfolds, I sigh in some parts for the momentary, fleeting regrets for the choices she made, the learning that could have been easier had she taken the time to see what other options she could have made. There is laughter, joy, loss, the reviewing is a blend of understanding, learning, emotions come in waves, wash over and fade. There was never any mistakes, (i may have perceived there was at the time) now though, just there was the twists and turns of options in a life. I see where I could have chosen differently, I know in time I will review this and decide what learning is still required.
There is no blinks, no jumps, no missed parts, the life plays out seamlessly in front of me, around me, within me. 57 years flowing from babyhood, childhood, teenage, adulthood. I continue to recognise the essence of the beings within people, physicalities that were foreign to me then, but obvious to me know. The understanding of the learning that I had with them, what we agreed to complete and how intertwined all of our learning truly is.
The child has grown to womanhood, has had children of her own, more beings I recognise now beyond the sense of the limitations of the physical. I feel blessed to have been on this journey with them, that they chose to come through this body, to be a part of the learning. The love, the intensity of connections with family, friends. All of these sensations accompany the reviewing and I review yet experience all again.
I wake.... I'm in bed, the dogs sleeping on me quietly... Nothing stirs but the memories twirl around me like tiny dust motes in sunlight... I'm back.