Lately I feel that I am in a kinda weird place where past, present and future collide, there is multiple dimensions going on all at the same time. This has always happened but with the movement forward and the feeling like the time is ticking to complete what I need to before the Reawakening, it's like someone pushed fast forward and everyone is zooming along dimensionally around me. Oh the joys of living in dual worlds.
I have mentioned that there is a need also to clear out the past and as I fell asleep last night I literally 'fell' into an old life. I hit the ground heavily, part of me is thinking I fell out of bed, the other part of me is acknowledging I am on grass, fully dressed and it's daylight. Oh crab apples, another life. I look at the grass, I am conscious that I had sweat on my face and my hair is long, dirty brown and I smell bad, lovely, just lovely. I blink rapidly, nope not coming back, looks like I'm here to relive something.
I look at my arms, the shirt I am wearing is long, coarse material and had been light at some stage but is smudged with dirt and stains. In a blast of awareness, I realise I am male, 19 years old, I am a serf, 13th Century, medieval times and I am in major trouble. The noise expands around me with a whoosh and I am aware of raised voices, one female, one male and they are over my head. I have been accused of stealing bread from the kitchens. The cook has always had it in for me. I can smell the stables from where I lay, familiar scents, as this is where I sleep at night in huge bundles of hay. I smell like stables myself. I dare not move. I am waiting to see what sentence will be placed upon me.
These are harsh times, tolerances and tempers flare at the drop of the hat. Life is not valued and if you are born into servitude, here is where you stay for the whole of your life, which is usually short. Did I steal the bread? I did, I look at my hands, the tendons stand out against the thinness of my skin, I am a commodity, I am always hungry. Anger surges through me, with resentment building fast. The unfairness of my life grates on me heavily, temper flares, I already have scars on my back from flogging and I am sure this will be no different. The keep where I live is heavily structured in its hierarchy of who answers to whom. The cook's voice is raised, her face red with anger, keys at her waist jingling together in her vehemence. The Farrier is arguing on my behalf as I fall under his charge. He is becoming tired of the argument and with a flap of hands concedes defeat.
I'm to be flogged. The bread was a loaf, my stomach bulging with it, I stuffed the lot in. The cost of the bread equates to the amount of flogging I get. She, the cook, was arguing for an ear to teach me a lesson this time she says. I detest her. I am roughly hauled to my feet, my temper flares again. The Farrier leans in 20 marks he says. She agrees at 20 marks. I nod. That's 20 lashes, I walk towards the end of the keep, there is a marker here, large piece of wood, stone around the outside, serves as a warning and is also a punishment block. I will be tied to it and the sentence carried out by the Farrier. I am pushed again by one of the grooms who has come to help the Farrier. I resent him intensely, and suddenly I turn and shove him back. He glares resentfully and shoves me harder. I stumble backwards, trip and fall, striking the back of my head on the stone surround, the pain is blinding, light flares. In anger and resentment, unfairness, I have passed.
I gasp, and sit up in bed, blowing breath out in a blast. Sodding lives. I close my eyes and feel the bedclothes and my head. The realities dissolve seamlessly around me and I am left with an empty feeling and a slight residual pain in the back of my head. "You okay?" I take a big breath in and blow it out. "Yep, go back to sleep" "This is happening a lot, these nightmares?" "Yep, it's cause I'm an old fart" Laughter, and concern. "Sure?" "Yes, go back to sleep I need to talk to the Guides". I pat the shoulder beside me and he drifts off again.
I shiver and energy surrounds me in a wave of light, embracing, stabilising and loving. "Thank you" Deena touches me concerned. "Oh so the gifts from that life?" I mumble. Tobias snorts beside me. I glare at him.. "What is this life 236? and counting?" "At least you have retained your sense of humour" he comments. I close my eyes, and breathe. There was value, there was learning. Most lives people have are hard, they were hard then, they are hard now, just in different ways. Full of decisions, judgement, hardship, doubt and loss. But equally, they have joy, love, beauty and growth. Acknowledging who you are and the value of you is incredibly important.
I celebrate that I have had experiences, I am conscious that I am also grateful for the learning that I remember. With each clearing of each life I come closer to who I am at a core depth of me. Intriguing as it sounds the past has the answers to the now, and in releasing old hurts and judgements, in the blending of the dimensions I am better for it. For you, what ticks you off, what really grinds you, take a good look into and find why? Take the time to explore it, release it and make progress into accepting you. As we move forward into the new energy, you will be pleased you took the time to clear the past.