Someone asked me to describe for them how I see myself, aspects of my personality. All the things that make up me. I think at times this is also relevant for a lot of people in the choices that we make in how we are perceived by others. I took some time and asked the Guides for the best description since most of the writing comes from them... Bear in mind, I am a normal person just like you. I am just honest enough to see all the aspects of myself and the value of the game that is played within our own minds at times.
Welcome to my mind, where realities are layered, like a pack of playing cards.
The most often card played is the Ace of Diamonds, set out in a three card spread, holding to its position on the top of the pile.
This is the illusion of life, here on the earth plane, the illusion of a person living in the conformity of others, showy, smiling, a brilliant facade, this is the one that makes me weep to the bottom of my soul, for this card played is about the facade of life. The simple, idiocy of the destructive nature of a life bent to the conformity of the majority. Where perception is everything, but the sides of the Diamond, while beautiful, are sharp, scathing, ripping and come with a horrific cost to the Ace of Hearts below it. We carry this Ace of Diamonds in front of us, not letting people behind it to see our vulnerability in the Ace of Hearts. This card gives people a perception of us that is not truly accurate at times for this card refuses to let people see that you may struggle or be struggling in the mundaneness of conformity, trapped by the perception you need to be something you are truly not.
It radiates with its falseness, its platitudes given without a thought to the Ace of Hearts, driven by need, by wants, it is the card of multiple deceits in a world corrupted by surface immorality and lies.
Below is the Ace of Hearts, bleeding for mankind, rich in its redness, the light, the essence part of me. This is the one that holds and believes in the goodness of man, the continuation of life after life, the point of being here, the truth of humanity below the deceit and self-appreciation of the Ace of Diamonds. This card rarely shown for it takes an ability to understand the game, the deck of cards and the correct spread to see beneath the Ace of Diamonds. For me, determined to see beyond the Ace of Diamonds in others, to see the light that lies within, this card shows beyond the grasp of the Ace of Diamonds, the beauty that lies beyond the shallowness of the illusion.
I search continually for people brave enough to show the Ace of Hearts, with its love, its hope, its beauty, its light. Squandered by many a Diamond, thrown from the deck in horror at it’s perceived weakness , this card is the gem of the pack, but hidden always and lied to by the Ace of Diamonds. This card we all carry, for it is truly the truth of us. The gift of choosing to be here, to have the journey here. This card is beautiful, shining in its sincerity to see beyond the Ace of Diamonds to the essence of your heart, for me, where you are YOU, flawless and divine. My soul weeps we do not show this card to others and ourselves more often.
Below these prominent cards, insidiously hiding, the Ace of Spades, the ever shifting presence of darkness that lies within me, is festering with the rottenness of time. Slit eyed and waiting, like vicious predator, it looks from below the other two cards, waiting timeless and stretches at times its evil, oily, stench beyond the two most held realities. This is the one that creeps, waits and watches for the cracks to begin in the illusion so that the Ace of Diamonds will fall and the game plays out between the Ace of Hearts and the Ace of Spades. If you thought that the Ace of Diamonds with its sharp edges and laughing brittleness was the height of illusion, you fail to see again. For the stench of rot rarely shows its face obviously, it is insidious, creeping and seeping. This card damages you more than anything else, it makes you doubt your decisions, your understanding, your perception of life. Cruel in its subtleness, it undermines your soul. This card pulls at the deck, delights in throwing other cards in the face of the Ace of Hearts, and writhes with the maggots of insanity at the base of my soul.
This is where I sit.
There are other cards in the deck, multiple worlds at my disposal as parts of me are scattered like leaves in the wind, elements of the diamonds, pieces of the hearts, spades hiding in every corner, however, these are lesser played cards on the journey of life, just a part of the game. Just to throw a spanner in the works comes the Ace of Clubs, the ultimate card of denial, I play this card willingly and unwillingly through the game of my life. Thrown down in disgust at people and myself, I cling at times to the denial of this card. Neither vengeful or deceitful, it is complete denial. A card of nothingness...
Blended they are all of me, none of me, part of me.... Turbulent and consuming. LIFE