I feel like I'm at a train station these days, so many departing to different centres, different parts of their lives, and some leaving the earth plane full stop. LAST CALL, Train for Boston departing... The Train is long and the compartments filled with people, the feelings wave in, regret, anticipation, love found, love lost, hope, despair. What a journey, what a ride. LIFE
You know when Spirit warned me that the first three months of this year would be challenging on so many levels for people, I thought yes I can understand that. However, within that I also didn't really stop to think that I was also included in that. What a duhhhh moment for me! The last of the energy of 2012, the Year of Self to be cleared in these three months of 2013. What is the biggest challenge? To reach deep into the depths of yourself and release all the emotions you have hidden in your heart that are holding you back from moving forward. Why would they be emotions or situations that you can think of? Of course they are emotions that you have hidden from yourself as the wonderful Master Magician of making emotions disappear, that you are. I know I am.
*Adjusts my Avoidance Queen Crown... However, one can only avoid things for so long and for me the biggest change was becoming very frustrated with a learning situation in my life, that took us off on a roller coaster of emotions and caused a massive DING in my trust of the Guides.
Ever had one of those situations when someone gives you half a piece of information and you grab it, own it and run with it, to find to your mortification that you SHOULD have waited and got ALL of the information before you ploughed ahead into the fray. In October, my Nana appeared and said time for us to move again, so we decided we would again listen to Spirit and get our house organised and ready to sell. They also showed me the house we were meant to go to. They do this, then I have to find it. Before the end of October, we found the house I had seen and better the owners took it off the market just for us. Dutifully we placed our house on the market in December and on my birthday in December our house went under offer. We were delighted everything was falling into place.
However, there is no growth without learning and little did I know the learning was all mine! Christmas passed and as we closed down to the date of confirmation, the other people had not sold their house. I was frowning at Spirit by this time. Out of no where came a cash buyer and it looked as if everything would fall into place again. This purchaser was difficult, wanted everything done, things changed, new bits add, this that and the other, we compromised, bent and compromised and I ranted at the Guides. On the last day the sale fell over and we were left again with no sale. This time I was heart broken, rang the people we were buying our house off and let them know we could not commit. A hard phone call.
It got worse.... I ranted and ranted at the Guides, how dare they ask me to do things, and had done all my life, to show me where I was supposed to be and ask us to move, then to pull the rug out from underneath us and leave us back at square one. In hurt I turned my back on them and stamped off to sulk. I would not let anyone in Spirit talk to me, I needed simply time to process the roller coaster ride of emotions. Welling up from the bottom of my heart was all the grief I had suppressed in losing family, all the suppressed emotions I had hidden from myself, the loss of the house had triggered all this hidden EMOTION. Normally when I would be upset I would switch onto my other side, become distant, analytical and see the reasoning, listen to the Guides and understand. I had turned them away, so I had to go through and into the emotions of me by myself. A very, very good friend came to my rescue, let me cry on her and pointed out that they hadn't let me down, there would always be another reason.
I sat on the Moon and sulked. I shut down the normal channels I communicate with Spirit with and mulled everything over, allowing emotions to flow through me, surrendering to them and releasing them. It was not fun, a purge of emotions trapped, being released. For the first time ever I would not allow Spirit to help me at all to understand, I had to clear this energy that I had hidden from myself. While I was working on me, I got wrapped in gold light and a very, very tall Angel came to talk to me. I had never seen him before at all. He introduced himself as Elom, and he filled my heart with peace. He didn't talk he just took my hand and waited. Bathed all in gold I sat in this sanctuary and healed my heart.
When I was ready I asked him why he had come and how he got through my blocks to Spirit. He said he had come through on my work link, the love of life, the divine light link that I love so much that connects us all to the Creator. He said he came to explain a new understanding. I listened.
"For many, many years you have served Spirit. Done as you were asked, gone where you needed to be and flowed like the tide into places to do the most work. Never have you questioned, always you have followed. In doing this, you have become dependent on the Guides to direct you, guide you and advise you on all that you need for yourself. This has never been overt, but has been very subtle. In your questioning, you have allowed us to provide answers for you, rather than finding answers in yourself. The Universe within has all of the answers that you need for yourself. Your learning required that there would be enough doubt created for you to look at the relationship with you and your Guides, to free both trapped emotions and give you an understanding of the new relationship we would like you to have with us. In this relationship instead of us GUIDING you, you empower yourself to take control back of your life and we HELP YOU to do this."
I listen to him talk, and I think about it. I have never randomly just dropped everything and done exactly as the Guides have said, however I have based a lot of my decision in my life on their Guidance. Please understand also they have never MADE me do things, just offered options, it was MY own choice to choose their options. This new understanding is perfect for the new energy coming in of the Heart and brings us a healthier understanding of ourselves as well.
I wanted to share this understanding with you, so you know WHY at the moment at multiple levels you are being challenged to make your own decisions, clear out the emotional energy you have hidden from yourself. The more you have hidden it, the more the Universe is challenging you through people and situations to address what you truly need for yourself. Its an important CHANGE and one that requires you to empower yourself in your own life. It isn't as such new, it simply enables you to move forward in a way that is more complimentary to you enjoying your life as whom you really are.
Know that we are in such a transitional time over the next month and by April the new energy of 2013 is working its magic. At this time, don't push away the challenges, the learning, the growth. Go into it, look at its impact, allow emotions to flow through you, Acknowledge, Surrender, and Release, to clear out the way forward just for you!