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J Marc Schmidt's Blog

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Apr.11.2014
    "Shall we resurrect thon?" thon asked.    "The ungendered third person pronoun?" replied the other thon.    "Well, a lot of people seem to be using 'they' as a singular pronoun, and frankly I find it ugly," said the first thon. "Besides, if we're...
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Apr.09.2014
    "Ever run out of ideas?"    "Who, me?"    "Of course you."    "Well. Who can say, really?"    "You can."    "That's the trick, isn't it?"    "I think you have no ideas right now." ...
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Apr.07.2014
    "When salt loses its saltiness, what good is it?"    "There might be a a small market for joke salt, I don't know."    "Of course, something to pop in the cruet before dinner to infuriate the family saltophile or autocondimator."    "...
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Apr.05.2014
One two three up the tree knee knee knee in the guts isn't very pleasant mountain rainbow and arrow pointing to doom moody people walking down the street, can you tell me how to get wet Sesame Street silly pilly in the grain and under the bob the whipple pipple pongle-pop over the under down the...
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Apr.04.2014
    "Keep your composure, even when people are walking on you."    "Be supportive. Be strong."    "Remain steady in times of crisis."    "Your depth is your strength."    "Be cool. Just be cool."    "Don't...
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Apr.03.2014
    "Can you boil that potato," he asked.     "It will be difficult in its present state, sir."    "Solid?"    "No, Kentucky."
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Apr.02.2014
    "Advice columns! It's all just common sense, really."    "I agree. Anybody could write one."    "I'd go further and say that even a dog could write one."    "A canine?"    "Yes. For example: 'Woof. Dear S, here is my...
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Apr.01.2014
    "Tempting, isn't it?"    "What?"    "The tantalising prospect of leading a virtuous life."    "I beg your pardon?"    "Generosity. Selflessness. Humility. Diligence. Those four intoxicating little comforts that make life...
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Mar.31.2014
    "April Fool's."    "Fool's gold."    "Gold's Gym."        "Gym junkie."    "Junk mail."    "Mail order bride."    "Bridal shower."    "Shower room." ...
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Mar.30.2014
    "Come, fill the cup, and in the fire of spring."    "Thy winter garment of repentance fling."    "The bird of time has but a little way to flutter, and lo!"    "The bird is on the wing."    "Quite."    "...
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Mar.29.2014
    "What about the Macbook Fire?"    "I don't like the idea of my computer catching fire, thank you very much."    "You don't think it sounds snazzy?"    "Well, somewhat. Fire is snazzier than an apple, I'll grant you. You don't see the...
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Mar.23.2014
    "And what about a Macbook Water?"    "Bruce Lee said to be like water."    "I think he in turn was quoting Musashi Miyamoto."    "Actually or coincidentally?"    "I really couldn't say."    "If one were...
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Mar.22.2014
    "Let's make up a word," she said.    "What will the word describe," he said.    "An emotion."        "What emotion?"    "The feeling of joyful embarrassment at, say, being caught outside without one's...
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Mar.20.2014
Y: Did the chicken cross the road?F: Yes, let's catch it for supper.Y: Should I listen to you?F: You are a smart man, yes. Shall we feast on fresh chicken, then?Y: Not. 
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Mar.19.2014
    "How was the book?"    "Legible."    "A great credit to the typesetters, then."    "I think it was laser printed in Mumbai on a Macbook Air."    "Do you think they will bring out Macbooks for the other three elements?"...
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