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The Strongest Man I Have Ever Met

>When I first saw the action photo above, A Profound Truth was conveyed to me: John HodgMan is not only the Smartest Man I Have Ever Met, he is also The Strongest Man I Have Ever Met!





As my blood vessels pressurized with excitement, I immediately contacted HodgMan on his blog site and left the following message, which I am sharing here with you.

"Dear HodgMan:

Judging from the photo above, there is no doubt in the vast teeming echo-chamber of my brain that you have Fists of Steel . . . or at least a Right Fist of Steel. The inspiring image of you employing these hitherto unknown Super Powers has sparked many questions in my busy brain. (And I can always tell when I am thinking hard: My wife Gladys stuffs cotton in her ears.)

Question Number One: From which vitamins or other dietary supplements do you derive your Mighty Strength? (Gladys mixes a substance she refers to as "Valium" into my scrambled eggs. She claims that it will make me stronger, but it seems to have little effect beyond making me sleep through Barney and Friends.)

Question Number Two: I have heard of other strong individuals who wear what are known as "Power Suits." By any chance, is that suit you are wearing a "Super Power Suit"? If so, where can I get one? My current Power Suit is underpants, towel cape and Superman t-shirt for when I go out to the garden to contact the Mole Men, who, beyond an occasional shift in the soil, are very shy around me. It does not seem to work well. Perhaps if I wear a Super Power Suit like you are wearing, the Mole Men will shed their fear of speaking to me.

Question Number Three: What sparked your violent battle with the automobile in question? (I have no doubt, of course, that it struck the first blow, probably from behind.) How did it respond to your retaliatory strike? Did it later attempt to run you down from ambush as you took your Victory Lap around the block? Or did it run whimpering to the safety of the nearest garage (like the Sniveling Coward we all know it is!)?

I put forth these Important Questions with a Certain Urgency as I have just returned from a Major Confrontation with the #52 Cross-town Oakland bus from which I did not emerge as victorious as you. My overconfidence that the bus would stop because I was standing in front of it overcame my normally very fine and sturdy Common Sense.

Who is to say that if I had been wearing a Super Power Suit just like yours, the outcome would not have been different? (And do not listen to Gladys regarding this matter: Every other word out of her mouth is "no.")

As always, I look forward to your sage advice.

Thank you for your help."

Photo of HodgMan vs. Auto bout (HodgMan, 1st round TKO) by Seth Olenick; used with his kind permission; please visit his blog, which my Consistent Good Manners force me to refer to as "Feces ‘n' Fun."

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Well, well,

well; Mr Lafferty has arrived. I was hoping Tom would get around to inviting you. It'll be my great pleasure to read you here. Saves me a few mouseclicks ('mouseclicks' being one of them word that didn't exist until only very recently)(recently, that is, for old-times such as I) (um, me?) Anyway, welcome aboard. Give my best to Gladys.

That Guy from VT.

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Thank You Very Much for Welcoming Me

Dear Ron Lavalette:

Thank you very much for welcoming me to the Red Room. Again, I promise to share my very many High-Quality Ideas and promise to behave myself while causing as little trouble as possible (like washing whites with colors while using bleach, setting fire to your Valuable Rare Stamp Collection, and causing your cats to howl, [but I am sure they howl because they like me.])

I will stop writing now because my downstairs neighbor Tom says I have a very Ponderous Writing Style, even though I think that is a good thing, because I have so many Good and Interesting Things to ponder about. (For example, why does the sight of Tom DeLay dancing in bright red pants frighten me so much?)

Thank you for your help.