where the writers are

Heywood Gould's Blog

RSSSyndicate content
Apr.01.2010
I STEAL MY FIRST BOOK/Part 1 It's 1961 and the Godless Communists are on the move. Russian Cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin becomes the first man in space. "Now the Antichrist can rain death down on us from the heavens," evangelist Nelson Bell warns. "America is in the gravest danger in its...
Continue Reading »
Mar.16.2010
I GET AN EDGE/Part Four/I LOSE MY EDGE The next night I am awarded the ultimate recognition-- a nickname. Jimmy, the mounted cop, who patrols the park, kicking winos off the benches, trots by. "Hey undertaker, how's business?" "Dead," I answer. He laughs and clip clops...
Continue Reading »
Mar.05.2010
I GET AN EDGEPART THREE"I BECOME A CHESS HUSTLER." My new partner in crime chain-smokes Gauloises and scratches his forehead until it bleeds. He's sparse with the bio, doesn't even introduce himself. But when I ask about his chess ranking is he can't help bragging. "I'm a Master,...
Continue Reading »
Feb.22.2010
I GET AN EDGE      PART TWO      MY "INVISIBLE ANGEL." It's 1961. I'm 18 and I've peaked. Playing on the freshman basketball team I try everything to increase my vertical leap. Deep knee bends, stairway sprints, hops and skips, leg presses--nothing works. I still can't get more than...
Continue Reading »
Feb.10.2010
I GET AN EDGE PART ONE It's 1961 and Brooklyn is a living, breathing Antiques Road Show. We're sitting on trillions and don't know it. Everything in my parents' house--from the fiesta ware, the Heywood Wakefield furniture, oriental figurines, candy dishes, Nelson clocks, Danish lamps, silver...
Continue Reading »
Jan.25.2010
 I STEAL A MATCHBOOK FROM MARILYN MONROE/PART SIX THE SECRET OF THE CRYPTIC MATCHBOOK  Chapels are filling. Mourners are milling. Rabbis are chafing. Patience is waning. Thoughts turn to the lox and bagels, the chopped liver and pickled herring--the rugelach and Russian coffee cake that await the...
Continue Reading »
Jan.18.2010
I STEAL A MATCHBOOK FROM MARILYN MONROE/PART FIVE I TAKE MARILYN TO THE SECRET PLACE   She's Marilyn Monroe. But she has to go. We have twenty funerals today. The Miller mourners have departed, leaving wisps of smoke, gum wrappers and crushed dixie cups. Now the reposing room has to be turned over...
Continue Reading »
Jan.01.2010
 I STEAL A MATCHBOOK FROM MARILYN MONROE PART FOUR I GIVE MARILYN THEGRAND TOUR  I have a guilty secret: I'm not attracted to Marilyn Monroe. I'm a serial self-abuser when it comes to her earthy imitators--Mamie Van Doren and Jayne Mansfield. I can sit through seven cartoons, a newsreel and a...
Continue Reading »
Dec.23.2009
I BUY A TOE TAG FOR MARILYN/PART THREE  Hollywood has names for them. The "double-takers" --the ones who look familiar so you look again and still can't remember their names. The "isn't that," or "wasn't he in" celebrities. I'll learn those categories in a life to...
Continue Reading »
Dec.17.2009
I STEAL A MATCHBOOK FROM MARILYN MONROE/PART TWO/THAT ARTHUR MILLER? WHO KNEW? It's 1961. I'm only 18, but my black deeds are mounting. I win an $800 scholarship for high scores on the State Board of Regents exams. I tell my parents I'll use it for text books and a new typewriter, but my...
Continue Reading »
Dec.07.2009
I STEAL A MATCHBOOK FROM MARILYN MONROE/PART ONE/THE HORNY AND THE DEAD It's 1961 and Brooklyn isn't cool yet. It's still a tributary, sending stenographers and piece workers across the bridge to mother Manhattan. Where colorful locals "tawk like dis" and mourn their departed Dodgers...
Continue Reading »
Nov.25.2009
Igor Yopsvoyomatsky, editor-in-chief of paranoiaisfact.com, guest columnist for the Daily Event, answers readers' questions. Dear Igor, When the upcoming terrorist trials were announced my husband Todd rented a back hoe and started digging an underground bunker in our front yard. He's down there...
Continue Reading »
Nov.12.2009
STEALING FROM THE DEAD It's 1961 and the CIA has decided to ruin my life. It wasn't enough that they created Islamic fundamentalism to overthrow the Government of Iran, provoked, funded and then ignored insurrections in Eastern Europe, slipped LSD to unsuspecting dissidents, destroyed democracy...
Continue Reading » 2 comments
Oct.23.2009
I MEET THE FIXER.  It's 1960. The US is beginning its longest period of economic expansion in history. But as business booms disillusion gnaws at the national psyche. The Russians shoot down the U2, an American spy plane. President Eisenhower disavows its mission, then backs off and becomes the...
Continue Reading »
Oct.14.2009
It's Brooklyn 1958 and nobody has ever heard of the "Mafia." The word is never mentioned in the black and white B movies (later reborn as noir masterpieces) which we see on rainy Saturdays. There it's the "Syndicate," usually located in a luxurious office with a view of...
Continue Reading »