where the writers are
Analyst Asks "Are Dems Plotting Against Obama?"

GREENPOINT, Bklyn, July 24...Are the Democrats too hip for the room? In their attempt to be evenhanded, ironic and transparent are they unintentionally undermining Barrack Obama's candidacy?

Or is something more sinister at work?

This is the question that Igor Yopsvoyamatsky posed last night. Speaking to a hostile audience at the Kosciusko Bridge and Polka Club he accused the Democrats of deliberately sabotaging Obama's campaign.

"Reverend Al Sharpton, HBO movie "Recount," New Yorker Magazine cover...Just a few examples of plot to bring down Obama," he shouted over the jeers and heckles from the predominantly Democratic crowd.

"Make no mistake," he said, "Obama is big threat to transparty oligarchy that really rules America..."

"What is a transparty oligarchy anyway?" someone shouted.

"It is term coined by Eastern European scholar Tom Gallagher," Yopsvoyamatsky said. "It means heads of so-called opposing parties who really work together to maintain status quo for billionaire rulers of so-called Democracy." He pointed to a heckler. "McCain is non-factor. This election is Obama against transparty oligarchy."

"Why is Obama a threat?" someone shouted.

"Because he will bring new demographic into electoral process--African-Americans, Hispanics, immigrants, gamers, slackers, how you say playuhs. The rich see that their housekeepers, their gardeners, even their stupid over-medicated children will have a say in how this country is run. They will never permit this.

"Party leaders have been afraid of him since he appeared on the scene,"Yopsvoyamatsky said. "Soon after his election to Illinois State Senate he was offered professorship at University of Chicago if he left politics. They even offered to appoint his wife head of school's legal clinic."

The crowd was quieted by this revelation. Finally, a man in a dashiki decorated with photos of Obama jumped up.

"Yeah, well how is Al Sharpton is part of a plot against Obama?" he sneered.

"He is a tool like you pamyawt," Yopsvoyamatsky sneered back. "CNN, allegedly pro Obama media, always has Sharpton and other black talking heads on to defend Obama. Never nice white, gray-haired white lady like Obama's grandmother, but Sharpton, who white people hate from notorious Tawana Brawley episode." He winked at a young blonde woman in cut offs and a tight fitting "Change America" T-shirt "This is subliminal plot to frighten white voters, no?"

"I guess so," she said with a tentative smile. "But why the movie, "Recount?"

Yopsvoyamatsky leered down at her. "Very astute question. This movie, made by Obama supporters purports to be truthful account."

"It is true," someone shouted.

"I cook a pot of truth every morning," Yopsvoyamatsky said, and turned to the blonde. "Stalin said that."

"Who?" she asked.

"Exactly," he said, and turned back to the crowd. "Recount is clever whitewash of James Baker, good friend of HBO boss, Time Warner, CEO and Republican loyalist Richard D. Parsons, who put him twice on cover of Time Magazine. It portrays Baker as clever, charming man working within system, instead of ruthless subverter who brought issue to Supreme Court where he had already fixed the outcome. It shows Democrats to be weak, divided...Not a good party for power, no?"

"I guess," the young blonde said with a shrug. "I really don't know."

Yopsvoyamatsky squeezed in next to her. "You have an open mind. I like that in a woman..."

A You Tuber stuck a Camcorder in his face. "Anyway, the New Yorker cover is ancient history..."

Yopsvoyamatsky pushed him away. "Maybe to you, pascudniak, but not too pop cultural establishment, which is terrified at prospect of Obama..."

"Really?" the young blonde said.

Yopsvoyamatsky put his arm around her. "Perceptive inquiry, my dear...You see Obama is not funny. This is big problem for culture. If you try to make joke it falls flat or someone calls you racist pig. Not good for Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert. Comedy needs controversy, it needs to be in the opposition. That's why there is no Daily Show in Pinsk. Culture establishment looks at eight years with Obama. Boring, self-righteous time.No jokes, no ratings. They are back to playing Comedy Castle in downtown Peoria. Better with McCain. Senile jokes, incontinent jokes, Viagra and Metamucil..."

The blonde sucked her knuckle with a puzzled look. "So what can Obama do to win?"

Yopsvoyamatsky patted her knee. ". He must convince transparty oligarchs that he is one of them. He wears a yarmulka in Israel... only fair. He gives immunity to telecom conglomerates so they can deny civil liberties to citizens...better. He tells black people it is all their fault...excellent!"

"So maybe he is a transported autopark," the blonde says.

"Brilliant synthesis, my dear," Yopsvoyomatsky said. "I have power point in my room. Want to see?"

"I guess," she said.

He walked behind her, nodding appreciatively. "You know you are very clever for an American girl. You want some Vitamin Water...?"