I am the product of a dance, a young girl, an indian truck driver. The year was 1954, either el paso texas or juarez mexico. Indian seduces girl at dance, she gets impregnated, he drives away into the sunset in his truck,, and she is banished to a catholic run home for unwed mothers. I am certain she was persecuted constantly for her "sin". after her 9 month stint she had to give me up for adoption.
I was adopted by a mexican couple in el paso who couldnt have children. all together there were three of us,coming from different families. My "mother" came from a middle class family in el paso. Her family owned a thriving restaurant in downtown el paso. My "father" was a salesman, who had a previous night club singing history. He still performed from time to time. We had a nice home, decent cars,,, hell, we even had a maid. Back in those days, it cost a couple of cents to cross the border. The indian woman that worked and raised us for sixteen years was the closest thing to a grandmother I ever had. My "father " loved to drink. He would constantly insult family and guests if they didnt stay up and drink with him until three am. My "mother would constantly be patching up his chaos. My earliest recollection of my molestation was him taking me into living room at about the age of four and fellating me and fondling me . He told me that this is what people do to each other that love each other. I cried , he took me back to my room and told me not to say anything. He molested my sister before me as she was older. I was molested by the maids son,I was molested on a fishing boat off of long beach in 1965 by another relative. At the age of twelve or thirteen I turned to drugs. I never had a girlfriend in jr high or high school, as I felt nobody would want me since I was damaged goods. I have a history of twenty three of drug abuse. Eventually I shot methamphetamine for 12 or 13 of the last years of my addiction. I have been married and divorced twice. I got clean and sober in 1989 I have been to therapy in my early recovery years. I wish I could tell you that I have gotten over all the abuse that i was subjected to[probably from the crib] I do believe in a god of my understanding,,,,the scar runs deep,,,, Sometimes my inner demons beckon me to go on another self destruction journey. I never want to be homeless, hopeless, afraid, scared, and the worst part,,,,alone. I still go to my support groups,,,, put my hand out to others who have suffered like myself,,,,thank god for certain 12 step groups that I was introduced to while hospitalized at the V.A. hospital in loma linda, california. I suffer from depression. I am fighting the "good" fight on a daily basis,,,, I have lots of friends,,,,just not a real sociable person. I am a miracle!!!