Every year around this time people who celebrate New Years day on January 1 tend to think about turning over a new leaf. THis has always seemed like a strange time of yeear to be called "new year" to begin with, thinking the Jews have it right by starting in September!
But be that as it may,I,too have fallen into the culture trap of making "resolutions" never lasting more than a few weeks into the new year.There are always the long lines at Weight Watchers right after New years,chubby faces with set expressions of determination,yet again,always thinking this time it will be different and one wont feel deprived after 3 weeks of no chocolate!
So this year,instead of starting January 1, like all other years, I began last spring,when I started exploring a new faith which,in turn,began to bring forth great emotional pain at first,but it was explained to me that this was part of the "human revolution" that was to start happening within me. AT the time I didn't understand what that meant,but started chanting anyway.Bit by bit,small things began to change.Little things at first,like suddenly stopping biting my nails which I had done all my life,then at the end of the summer seeking alternative medicine for chronic arthritic problems,which,in turn,through nutritional testing,showed a glandular deficiency,which led to taking supplements and me losing 10 pounds.Then,in late fall,I found myself in yet another situation that had repeatedly been my M.O.,once again causing great emotinal pain,and so I sought help,saying "thats it,I cant do this any more"
So now I have the beast of my deepest longings and empty spaces within to call up face to face,and begin to fix the cause,once and for all. Week by week,inch by inch I am making improvements in letting go of old belief systems,attachments and desires.Although the wonderful happiness that is supposed to replace the deep hole in my heart has not become evident yet,and the unknown is a black void,I can no longer sit in the pain I have been in for a lifetime.
And so I move forward,inch by inch,changing one small thing at a time,trying to let go of something that I dont want to let go of,but telling myself that"doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results" is the definition of insanity.
So,yes, on Jan 2,I will do a food cleanse,and join Weight watchers once again,but this time not focusing on that change as the BIG ONE.The BIG ONE will take the rest of my life.But if it can change bad karma into good,and show me my true place in this world,however unknown,so be it.And this resoltuion will be fortified with prayer ,chanting and other spiritual practices that I have been doing for almost a year now.The end goal being to not seek happiness outside myself,to become whole within,and then to attract what happiness I am meant to have andfulfill my deepset longing,as well as give to the world more abundantly.
Causes Heather Koelle Supports
public health care,world peace,environmental stewardship,psychology,society against child abuse,spiriitual and psychological quests,recovery issues,mental...