I believe we make our own luck. I didn't always believe this way.In the past,I thought luck was preordained,coming from my childhood religious background.And I felt that I had no conrol over my life,that I was a victim of circumstances. AT the time,I was not in control.but not anymore.
AS an adult,who is discovering this at a very late stage in her life,I am learning that I am in charge of my own fate,my own happiness.I will attract what I become.If I am to realize my heart's desires,I must change myself,my thinking and BE the perosn I want to attract. That soulmate exists out there,but he will not come to a neurotic helpless woman!
My mistake,in the past,was I skipped this step,and went straight to "go".Being rather screwed up emotionally,I tended to attract that same kind of person.I was looing for someone "outside of myself" to bring me happiness.THis person would be my all knowing "soullmate" who would transform the pain in my heart to instant joy. I was,and still am,a hopeless romantic.but in the real world the opposite happened,again and again and again! And I was left picking up the pieces while the other walked away without looking back!
Finally I realized that it was ME that was in the way,still livng in the shadow of old sick belief systems,allowing other people to invade my space with their negative energy.I was the healer,the fixer.I was attracted to people who needed help and I thought I was the chosen one who would be able to fix them forever,and thus they would love me,forever for fixing them!
GRowing up in a very crazy household,where I learned early to act in a way that I thought would win their love(and it was never enough,them being mentally ill) I grew up feeling unlovable,less than,filled with frustration and dispair that the very thing I wanted most was forever out of my reach. Love.
I finally began some intensive self healing work,over the past year and things began to become very clear to me.
1. I was reliving my need for parental love that couldn't be realized because of their own sickness.
I lost my father to my stepmother,who was the competiton,and I lost my power. so then I kept trying to repeat the senario,hoping to get my "daddy" back,and of course it never worked,and I was left broken and bleeding.
this year,with the help of a wonderful male friend,who has become my "mirror" I am learning tht I dont have to bang my head aginst that wall anymore.Instead,I can work on loving myself,just as I am,and bring in positive affirmations as to what I will and already am,becomming. WE worked thru the initial knee jerk attraction(primarily on my part,as usual),on a physical level,and moved on to really being friends.
The answer to luck is not found in relligion,or fate,but rather spiritual searching,self healing,and an acceptance of where I end and others begin.I can take responsibility for myself,my choices,my actons,but I cant tkae responsibility for another.I can offer support,love,prayers,but ultimately the other person has to come to their own conclusions and choices.
This has been very liberating.I am no longer afraid of losing people's love if I am my authentic self.If I lose it,they are not true friends in the first place.
With famly members(origin) its a little more complicated,since they think evrything is caused by outside influences and they are helpless victims. Here I have to draw the strong boundary line,and let them be them,and keep their energy out of my space,while at the same time practicing compassion.Hard to do,but necessary for ones survival and also for realizing ones hopes and dreams.
Causes Heather Koelle Supports
public health care,world peace,environmental stewardship,psychology,society against child abuse,spiriitual and psychological quests,recovery issues,mental...