This morning my yoga class was canceled,so I went to a Saturday morning AA meeting that I hadn't attended in a long time.  It was a "topic meeting" and the topic was gratitude.  There were many takes on the idea of gratitude,as there always is when in the company of a bunch of recovering drunks.But what struck me,was the contrast between the newly sober,who were struggling with the holidays and expecatations of family and frustration that their family wasn't like "the Waltons",and how they craved a drink to get through it, and how the old timers just rolled with the punches who,despite still suffering hardshihps(one lady had Hep C and was undergoing Chemo) had learned to change their  attitiude.  Most of us old timers agreed that expecatations breed resentment and so when we let those go and let our families be who they are and accept it,that our holidays go much better.ON top of the list for all AA's is the gift of sobriety. I just celebrated my 25th sober Thanksgiving,surrounded by alcohol,and did just fine.I focused on what I was grateful for,as I looked around the table at my family..my three beautiful grown children and their mates,my hyper little grandson,my sniffly little Annika,and my husband doing all the cooking,bless his heart.

And I also heard in the meeting today someting that really struck me.Sometimes something we dont see as a gift is really one is disguise.  ANd I thought back to four months ago,when what I wanted most was abruptly ripped out of my hands(metaphorically),and I didn't see it as a gift at all,but rather a curse. It took several months for the real meaning of it to settle in,for my gratitude to this dear friend,who taught me who and what I was really about,who opened my heart and soul,and I feel great gratitude for having known him.

It is my hope that he received a gift from me,also,once the intensity lessened,and time softened the wounds.  And I no longer expect a letter from him in my mailbox(as I did for a couple of months,hoping he would change his mind) Because that is just how it was meant to be,no matter how painful,no matter how great the loss.  He showed me how to live,and I hope,in some small way I showed him some things,too.