where the writers are
getting older
Anni,learning to thro a ball

In a couple of weeks I will be 66. 

How do I feel about this? Many mixed emotions. I dont have to worry about getting pregnant. I dont ahve to color my hair anymore. I am done raising recalitrant children,especially the eternal 5 pm charges through the house by three lively kids,hyped up until they get fed.

ON the other hand,I miss nursing a baby,making love 5 times a day,being supple and limber,face smooth with nary a wrinkle. I miss high school days,and dating my cute boyfriend senior year,and giggling with my girlfriends(although I still do that)

First, I wish I could live the life of BEnjamin Buttons(I hope I have the character right) who started out life as an old man and went backwards to birth!  THis way,one would know all there is to know about ones life in the beginning,and then,going backward,could enjoy the many things that before were puzzling or sad or frustrating,or the reason for them happening in the first place.

But for some convoluted reason,life doesn't work this way(I will ask my Creator why when I make my transition)And it makes no more sense than the "original sin" concept,or why society values money and material success so much,even as it brings us to the brink of extinction,both environmentally,and physically.Much of wht life has to offer is still,even at this age,a puzzle.

So, instead,I believe one has a choice.Either to focus on the rapidly multiplying aches and pains,the bad news every day around us,the crueltty of mankind. And  it can become either a pessimistic  hypochondriac,or,rather to greet each day as a new opportunity to learn and grow.

And I do know this.AS I get older,I see every experience,both good and bad,as a teacher about life,another piece of the puzzle of life slipping into place.And,like life,sometimes I try to force that puzzle piece to fit,even when I know deep down that it never will,and only end up frustrated. So now I try to wait for the lesson before I try to force that piece in.

Thus,I am learning to meet each challenge with an open mind,asking myself,what will I learn about myself today? how can this experience enri c h my life?

I am fortunate to have many friends and interests.I learned this from my parents,and believe that learning about new things and taking up new interests keeps one young in spirit. And I will continue to learn and study till I am dead.

I think about this,as I am doing shoulder exercises in physical therapy for my torn rotator cuff("wax on,wax off") to quote Mr Miagi in "The Karate Kid".That the pain I am experiencing will strengthen the surrounding muscles eventually,so I can return to vigorous swimming,lifting grandkids,doing housework,kayaking down a river,canoeing and any other pursuit that involves the use of one's right arm.

I think about this,as my step slows down,my equlibrium gets a little wonky,my brain gets fuzzy,trying to retrieve names.

I think about this,when my 20 year old mind goes to exotic or erotic places,fully enjoying the fantasy,revelling in the feeling alive. And I can become young again.

I can now enjoy the fruits of raising three wonderful kids,and can enjoy watching them go through the joys and frustrations of parenhood,leaving me free to just enjoy their offspring,playing with them,reading to them,having them spend the night,playing games with them,watching them discover an ant crawling on the ground,or asking about rain,as my granddaughter Anni did last night:

"What is rain,gramma?,she said" (As she stood in the doorway leading out to our back yard).I told her it was "water from the sky" "but why do we need it",she asked. I replied" to water the trees and plalnts and flowers,and to give us water to drink."

Her little sturdy 2 1/2 year old body,golden curls,wide eyed innocence,taking in and just being,just listening to the rain,not worrying about anything,just being totally present there. I knew I could learn from that.

And I like not having to work long hours anymore,and having more free time to read and play the piano,and work in the garden and be with nature. And yes,play on facebook,where,at present,I am writing a tandem story with a close male friend.

So,if my mind skips a few beats here and there,and I cant find where I put something,or I find my step slowing down,I also know that life can still be enjoyed.it is all a matter of attitude.