where the writers are
CHOICES
me at the beach

I have recently befriended a person on facebook,who seems a cut above the others.We met on a world peace site,and he is a Jewish Buddhist.  AS we have corresponded I have learned about his spirituality and how he approaches his life.  AT times he believes its his karmic fate to be battling depression,living with a wife who drains him, a mother who withdraws support if he doesn't march direcctly to her beat. And I can see a way out for him,that he is not ready to see,yet.

He is still in the victim stage,trusting only in his chanting to solve all problems.  I try to share my" experience,strength and hope" with him by telling my own story of recovery from alcoholism and depression.  But I see that he is not ready yet,and i have to respect that, as he has his own process to go through,and I cant do it for him.

It has always been my nature to try and fix people who dont want to be fixed,and I realize now that the most loving thing I can do is listen and support,but not give advice. I am learning that everyone has to hit their own "bottom",and,painful as it is to watch,I must give them the respect to do that.

This is very hard for me to do because I am so afraid their bottom will kill them.

I see this wonderful creative guy,full of life and humor,struggling with a pre-existing condition,about to lose his job and benefits,a wife who wont work,and I worry,and I want to fix.

But after putting forth everything I had not long ago,only to be crapped on royally,and b asically told I was nothing of interest anymore,makes me tread more cautiously,keeping myself centered in my own mind and body,trying to balance the feelings that are slowly coming to life again,the wanting to mother,to fix,to be needed. ANd then I remember the saying"insantiy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results" ANd so,I think I have been presented with a choice on how I will handle this new friendship.Do I need to fix him?comfort him? deny him the chance to figure things out for himself?  No,I dont think so.  I can only pray for him,and listen,and share what has worked for me.

But he will have to walk his own journey alone,figuring out along each path which way to turn, And I will know where I end and he begins,and make this a healthy relationship.  AS much as I want to rescue him,I wont,nor will I put my whole heart and soul into our friendship,excluding all the other things in my life,. For I know now,that these things can end in disaster. And I wind up picking up the pieces. While the other walks away,laughing!

So I wish him well on his journey, and will be his friend,walking in the same direction but not clinging,but,insted,walking by his side.